#I apologize if it sounds like I'm repeating myself through but it's really something you need to play or watch

[splashink-games]

Getting to the end is not what's important.

Did I not do a good job?

I am absolutely astounded by SANABI by WONDER POTION.

trying to be as spoiler-free as I can.

Good lord.

I was not expecting such an emotional experience.

Even after I spoiled myself a bit because our daughter (I'm okay to call the child that right? collectively, yours, mine, and our main character's (who is also ours to share)) had some very gif-able moments for me to look up and save.

ugh.

Don't even get me started on how incredibly wholesome the intro sequence is! Or mostly any memory for that matter.

Let me move on...

I heard that this game is often compared to Katana ZERO. I haven't played Katana ZERO but I've watched a friend speedrun it, and I get it, though I can't compare the narratives. But that's not what's important.

SANABI is an incredibly well-told story with fast-pace gameplay. The storytelling succeeds because it gives the player information while keeping that same information from the main character, along with hints to a conclusion that we, as the player, can infer.

and that inference builds and builds, cracking the reality that our main character (MC for short) is experiencing in Mago City until it crumbles.

this is a story is about loss and acceptance.

Our journey with these two vastly different characters, Mari and MC is nothing short of exquisite.

it's hard to put into words without spoiling anything.

each character has a very strong goal. MC is out for revenge, while Mari's is pretty vague until the midpoint, but we can surmise it also as revenge. from the onset, Mari tells you that their goals currently align. and every plot point serves an obstacle in their progress (as it should in a game).

but with every obstacle, their determination and sense of reality is affected. the two grind each other's gears. but also get back to a moderate peace. well, until they can't.

mysteries are thrown around. answers can't, or won't, be given. things happen. the situation changes. Mari and the MC change.

and when the pair finally gets to their destination, it's nothing like they expected. Getting to the end is not what's important.

Mari has an amazing arc. you know what she's after part way through the game. and it becomes clearer how desperate she is. like, what a fascinating character Mari is for being able to act in the manner she does. for being faced with the situation at hand until she can no longer bear it.

MC has an equally fantastic arc. for being such a one-track minded character until he isn't. until he thinks for a moment about everything that's happening. but no answer are given.

it's hard to describe how deeply rooted in emotion these characters are. and I think the experience of them is worth it.

with all that being said, the gameplay was rad.

for me, SANABI puts into perspective how much you can do with a few buttons. for reference, I use a Nintendo Switch-style controller. you never use the B button or the bumpers. you start using Y and left trigger halfway through the game. and I never needed to use the right joystick, even though I could.

my biggest gripe, gameplay-wise, was the ground-less boss fight. I don't know if I'm just bad at the game (I am, though) or if I have a problem with having no ground to stand on. I think the biggest issue is the inability to save oneself at the bottom of the screen. it's a very air-centric fight, so I guess it gets a pass, but it's definitely not my favourite.

everything else was smooth as butter. the introduction of new mechanics was never out of the way. the main mechanics themselves (grappling, swinging, and hooking enemies) were great and ties itself well to the narrative.

even as I was speeding through the finally sequence of the game, I still enjoyed swinging along. in between narrative sequences.

SANABI is a wonderfully crafted game, focused on delivering a thoughtful story with smooth mechanics as its vehicle.

This game is definitely a must-play for anyone!

As always,

Enjoy gaming!

[chrzzboo]

okay, hear me out. I've had this idea in my head for so long and have never found anything like it.

Lando Norris falls for a FAN! She lives in England or France or Monaco, they meet somewhere that’s not the racetrack and somehow he falls in love. He knows she’s a fan so it’s hard for him to admit that he fell for her.

Just another fan

Summary: when meeting a fan in an unusual encounter Lando couldn’t help but feel attracted by her presence. The only thing stopping him? Her being his fan.

Note: first of all I couldn’t be more thankful for all the support all of you have showed me on my comeback stories and I’m very grateful for that! Thank you for your request anon, I hope this lives up to your expectations! Have fun reading!

Reader x Lando Norris

Genre: fluff/angst(ish)

I was in a frantic rush. Late for my uni lecture again. The coffee cup trembling in my hand as I weaved my way through the bustling café. Engrossed in my thoughts, I didn’t watch where I was going, and then it happened – the inevitable crash. Coffee splattered everywhere, including all over the stranger in front of me.

I froze in horror, my face turning a deep shade of scarlet. "Oh god, I-I'm so sorry!" I managed to stutter.

Lando reacted with a bewildered expression, looking down at his now-stained shirt before turning back to me.

"It's alright," he said, an amused twinkle in his eye despite his coffee-stained shirt. "Accidents happen."

I fumbled for words, trying to apologize profusely, and yet, I was struck by his casual demeanor. This guy, this person I had just spilled coffee all over, was handling the situation so much better than I was, and it was only then that I glanced at his face. My heart skipped a beat. Lando Norris. I was standing in front of Lando Norris.

Lando chuckled again, the sound rich and warm, as he watched me struggle to compose myself. "You know," he said, the smirk on his face softening to a more genuine smile, "Most people would at least recognize me before pouring coffee all over me."

"I’m… I’m so sorry," I repeated, still struggling to overcome my shock. My brain was still trying to process the fact that I was standing in front of one of my favorite drivers, and I’d just managed to make a complete fool of myself in front of him.

Lando’s smile held a hint of understanding, and he waved off my repeated apologies. "Seriously, it’s fine," he reassured, glancing down at his coffee-stained shirt. "This isn’t the worst thing that’s been spilled on me, trust me."

In spite of the situation, I found myself feeling a little relieved at his casual acceptance. The initial wave of embarrassment was beginning to recede, replaced by a more manageable feeling of awkwardness. "Still, I feel terrible," I said, trying to force a sheepish smile. "Let me at least pay for the dry cleaning, or something…"

Lando shook his head, his expression growing more amused. "Dry cleaning’s not necessary," he replied, waving off my offer. "But considering you just soaked me in coffee, perhaps you can make it up to me?"

My heart skipped a beat at his words, my stomach twisting, already thinking of the worst scenarios.“How?” I asked weakly, trying to keep my composure.

Lando leaned against the wall, his eyes flicking over me for a moment, taking in my flustered state. "Simple really," he said, a hint of a challenge in his voice. "You buy me a new coffee, we’ll sit down, and you can make it up to me by keeping me company."

My breath caught in my throat for a moment, my mind racing. Lando Norris, asking to spend time with me? It was too much to process. But there was no mistaking the gleam of interest in his eyes. He was serious.

"Oh euhm okay," I managed to stammer out, my cheeks flushing under his gaze. "Coffee. I can do that."

Lando’s smile widened, a satisfied expression on his face as he gestured for me to lead the way to the counter. As I turned, heading towards the counter to order the coffee, I could feel his eyes on me, and my heart thumped in my chest.

This was really happening. I was about to buy coffee for Lando Norris. 18-year old me wouldn’t believe this.

As we waited for our coffees, the silence between us was filled with a tension that I couldn’t quite describe. Lando seemed relaxed, but I could almost feel the energy radiating from him. I couldn’t help repeatedly glancing at him, marveling at how someone could look so good, even after having coffee spilled on them.

After getting the order, Lando led the way to a small, secluded table in the corner of the cafe. I followed, trying to hide the fact that I was a bundle of nerves. Sitting down across from each other, I clutched my coffee cup like a lifeline. The silence was tangible, broken only by the soft hum of other patrons in the cafe.

Lando took a sip of his coffee, his gaze never leaving me. After a moment, he leaned back, a hint of a smile on his lips. "So," he began, his voice soft but clear, "You’re a fan, aren’t you?"

My eyes widened at his question, and a wave of unexpected shock washed over me. I hadn’t expected him to pick up on my fan girl status so quickly. It was obvious, I guess, but I also didn’t want to invade his privacy.

"I… uh… well," I fumbled for words, my face heating up. "I am a fan, yes."

Lando chuckled, his eyes never leaving mine. "It’s okay, you don’t have to deny it." He took another sip of coffee. “I could tell the moment you realized who I was."

I fidgeted in my seat, feeling exposed under his gaze. "Was I that obvious?" I muttered, cursing myself for my lack of subtlety.

Lando leaned back in his chair, that amused smile still on his face. "Let’s just say you weren’t very discreet. Your face lit up like a Christmas tree when you realized who you were dealing with."

I couldn’t help the embarrassed laugh that escaped me. "I guess I’m not very good at hiding things, also I didn't know you would be in England this week." I admitted, trying to play it down with humor.

"No not at all.” He laughs at my comment. “And yeah I came down to visit my family for a bit." Lando added, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "And don't worry about it, it’s refreshing, actually. Most people either don’t recognize me or try to play it cool when they do. You were like a deer caught in headlights."

I let out a soft groan, burying my face in my hands. "I must have looked so ridiculous," I mumbled, my words muffled by my palms.

Lando reached out, gently pulling my hands away from my face. His touch sent a shiver down my spine. "No, it was adorable," he corrected, his voice holding a hint of sincerity beneath the humor.

I looked up at him, my face probably aflame. Was he seriously calling me adorable? "You’re just saying that," I muttered, taking a gulp of my coffee to distract myself.

Lando laughed, a sound that sent a wave of butterflies flying through my stomach. "No, I mean it," he insisted. "You didn’t try to act all cool and casual around me. You just… reacted. It was honest, and it was cute."

And soon the conversation between us started flowing.

After some time, I glanced at my watch, my eyes widening at the time. “Damn, my lectures…” I muttered, realizing I’d missed my class.

Lando, who seemed oblivious to the time as well, shot a look at my watch. “Oh, right,” he said, a hint of disappointment in his voice. “Guess we got carried away.”

I was gathering my bag and taking one last sip of coffee, my mind still swirling with questions when Lando spoke up.

"Before you leave," he said, pulling his phone out of his pocket. "I was wondering if I could get your number."

The casual request caught me off guard, but I quickly recovered. "My… my number?" I repeated, already pulling my own phone out of my bag.

Lando chuckled at my surprised expression. "Yeah, your number. You know, so we can stay in touch."

I fumbled with my phone for a moment, unlocking it and pulling up the new contact option. "Of course," I said, my mind racing. This was really happening. Lando Norris was asking for my number.

I slowly handed him my phone, watching as he tapped in his number. He handed it back to me, our fingers brushing together in a brief, electric moment.

"There," he said, a sly smile on his lips. "Now you’ve got my number, and I’ve got yours."

I looked down at my phone, seeing his contact information displayed. I couldn’t believe it. "Thanks," I said, the word feeling incredibly inadequate considering the whirlwind of emotions racing through me.

Lando pocketed his phone, his gaze never leaving me. "Don't mention it," he said, a genuine smile on his face. "It was… good talking to you. You know, despite the coffee incident."

I laughed, the nervous energy of earlier shifting into a more comfortable banter. "Yeah, sorry about that. I promise not to spill anything on you next time we meet."

Lando chuckled, running a hand through his hair. "I’ll keep that in mind. Wouldn’t want to have to start a coffee-stained shirt collection because of you."

The image of Lando with a closet full of coffee-stained shirts flashed through my mind, making me laugh again. "Trust me, that’s the last thing I want," I said, slinging my bag over my shoulder.

There was a beat of silence, both of us seeming reluctant to end the conversation. Finally, Lando spoke up. “Well, I should let you get going,” he said, his tone carrying a hint of regret. “Can’t cause you to miss another uni lecture, can I?”

I nodded, although a part of me didn’t want the conversation to end. "Yeah, you’re right," I replied, a small sigh escaping me. “I had a really nice time talking to you.”

Lando’s smile widened, a hint of satisfaction in his eyes. “I enjoyed talking to you too,” he said, a sincerity in his tone.

After bidding goodbye to each other, I pushed through the door, the cool air of the city hitting me, but I barely registered it. My mind was still reeling, replaying every moment of our conversation on a loop. As I walked away from the café, I couldn’t help but grin like an idiot.

As I walked, thinking about earlier events, my phone buzzed in my hand. I looked down to see a text message popping up on the screen. It was from Lando.

I smiled at my phone, still not believing that I met the Lando Norris who’s weirdly enough interested in me.

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yourusername Didn't skip class for a cute guy or anything 🤷🏻‍♀️

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bffuser: Girl u was literally fangirling

yourusername: Oh shut up you would act the same

frienduser3: Fangirling? Did we miss something?

yourusername: No no don't worry nothing special

frienduser3: 🤓

frienduser1: Why you always spilling coffee on people 🤣

yourusername: Don't expose me now, I told you this information in pure trust 🥲

frienduser2: Y/N it literally happened a week ago as well

yourusername: I don't like any of you 😒

Weeks flew by in a blur of texts, calls, and busy schedules. Work and uni left little room for much else. But despite the distance, Lando and I kept in touch daily.

One day, as I was buried under a mountain of notes and textbooks, my phone buzzed with a new message. Expecting another funny meme from Lando, I was surprised to see a different message.

With that decision made, the conversation shifted to practicalities. We discussed the details of my arrival, where I’d be staying, and what to expect during the race weekend. By the end of the conversation, the excitement had far outweighed any lingering doubts. The countdown to Silverstone began.

Meanwhile, Lando was caught off guard when his best friend, Max Fewtrell, came up from behind him and slapped him on the shoulder. “Oi, what’s got you grinning like that?” Max asked, raising an eyebrow.

Lando quickly composed himself, putting his phone away. “Nothing,” he said, attempting to play it cool. “Just talking to someone, that’s all.”

Max wasn’t convinced. “Is it a girl?” he pressed, a smirk on his face.

Lando cursed inwardly. Max had a knack for sniffing out stuff like this.

“Maybe,” he admitted, his voice betraying a bit of reluctance. “But it’s nothing serious.”

Max’s eyebrow shot up again. “Not serious? Then why are you smiling like a fool over some texts?”

Lando huffed, running a hand through his hair. He knew he wasn’t fooling Max with this act of aloofness.

“Fine. There is a girl. But it’s complicated.”

Max’s smirk widened. “Complicated? That’s an interesting way to put it. Why is it complicated?” he asked, leaning against the wall, obviously enjoying Lando’s discomfort.

Lando hesitated for a moment, his fingers fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. “Because… well… she’s a fan.”

Max’s expression turned a bit incredulous. “A fan? As in, a fan of yours?”

Lando nodded, a mixture of defensiveness and uncertainty in his eyes. “Yes. A fan. She was at a café where I was hanging out, and we just started talking. And now we talk all the time… but she’s a fan, and I don’t know if it’s a good idea to get involved with someone who already has an idea about who I am.”

Max’s smirk softened slightly into a thoughtful expression. “I get where you’re coming from. But just because she’s a fan doesn’t mean she likes you for the wrong reasons,” he said, a hint of reason in his tone. “And people change their perceptions. What if she gets to know the real you and falls even harder?”

Lando considered Max’s words, knowing he had a point. “I know… but what if she’s more interested in the idea of me, the driver, than who I really am?” he voiced his biggest fear.

Max shrugged, a knowing look in his eyes. “Then you’ll figure that out when you see her. If she’s serious about you, she’ll look past the whole ���F1 driver’ thing. But if you keep worrying about what could go wrong, you’ll never find out what could go right.”

Lando sighed, torn between the possibilities and the risks. “You’re probably right,” he admitted, a hint of resignation in his voice. “Maybe I’m just overthinking it. I don’t know if I’m ready to take that gamble though.”

Max gave Lando a knowing look. “You’re already knee-deep in this mess, mate. You’ve been talking to her for weeks now, clearly you’re invested. If you wanted out, you’d have stopped talking to her ages ago.”

Lando sighed again, realizing the truth in Max’s words. He hadn’t even thought about ending things with her. “Damn it, I guess you’re right,” he conceded, frustration in his tone. “I’m already in too deep, aren’t I?”

Max chuckled, patting Lando on the back. "That’s right, mate. You’re in 'too deep' alright. You've been acting like a lovesick puppy every time you message her. It's pathetic, but also sickening cute.”

Max smirked, amused at his friend’s predicament. “Well, you’ve got your Silverstone race next week. Maybe that’s a chance for you to see how things really are when you actually meet in person. Then you’ll know if this is worth pursuing or not.”

Lando nodded, his face set in a contemplative expression. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’ll see how it goes when she comes to the race. If it feels off, I’ll end it. But I'm afraid it might be too late for that, I already fell for her I'm afraid.”

The day of the Silverstone Grand Prix finally arrived. I’d spent the morning getting ready, excitement and nerves bubbling up inside me. I checked my reflection one last time before grabbing my bag and heading out the door.

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frienduser1: Girl is this why you weren't present in class today?

yourusername: Maybe 🤷🏻‍♀️

frienduser2: Now how did you do that then

frienduser3: You could've atleast asked me to come with you 🤔

yoursername: Sorry girl was a last minute typa thing 😬

bffuser: Slay girl get that man

yourusername: 🤫

frienduser2: @bffuser what are you hiding?

frienduser3: Yeah I would love to know that too 🤨

bffuser: 🤐

With the sun high in the sky and the sounds of the race already starting to fill the air, I made my way to the circuit, following the signs and directions to the specific spot Lando had told me to meet him.

As I walked through the gates of the Silverstone Circuit, a sense of awe washed over me. The sights, sounds, and smells of a Grand Prix weekend surrounded me, and it was all so surreal. I had watched races on TV countless times before, but being there in person was a whole different experience.

The enormity of it all sunk in, making me feel both excited and slightly overwhelmed. It was one thing to see the action on a screen, but here I was, standing in the pit lane, surrounded by teams, cars, and the buzz of the event actually happening in front of me.

I continued to wander around, taking in everything. The mechanics working on the cars, the engineers huddled around strategy screens, and the drivers walking around with their confident strides – it was all so different from my usual life.

But what intrigued me most was the thought of seeing Lando in this environment, the stark contrast between the relaxed person I'd talked to countless times and the focused, professional driver he would become once he stepped into his car for the race.

I kept checking my phone, waiting for further instructions from Lando. He'd told me which area to meet him at, but I hadn't gotten any more specific details yet. I tried to distract myself by watching the practice sessions, but my mind kept wandering back to the thought of finally seeing Lando after weeks of just talking through a screen.

The practice sessions ended, and I still hadn't received any other instructions from Lando. I started to get a bit nervous, wondering if I was in the right spot or if something had come up with him. Just when I was about to reach for my phone again, I heard a familiar voice behind me.

"Hey, you looking for me?" Lando asked, his usual carefree grin on his face, looking slightly sweaty from the heat and the practice session.

I turned around, my heart skipping a beat at the sight of him. He looked every bit the professional racer standing there in his McLaren gear, but his familiar smile instantly made me feel more at ease.

"Lando! I was starting to wonder where you were," I replied, a mix of relief and excitement in my voice.

I was momentarily caught off guard when Lando suddenly opened his arms for a hug. But I quickly recovered, returning the gesture. His embrace was warm and firm, grounding me in the moment. We stepped back after a few seconds, both of us wearing grins.

"It's good to finally see you in person again," Lando said, his eyes crinkled with genuine happiness. "I can't believe you're actually here, at the race."

I chuckled, feeling a sense of disbelief myself. "Believe me, I can't believe it either. It feels surreal, being here in Silverstone, watching the race this close. And to think, I'm here because of you," I added, a hint of teasing in my tone.

Lando chuckled at that, seemingly enjoying the banter. "Well, what can I say? I have that effect on people." His playful confidence was undeniable.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes in mock annoyance. "Oh, don't get too big for your boots, Norris. I didn't come all this way just to inflate your ego."

He feigned shock at my words, a hand going to his chest dramatically. "How dare you! Are you saying my ego isn't already inflated enough?" Lando joked, his eyes sparkling with humor.

I let out a laugh. "Oh, it's plenty inflated, trust me. But seeing you in your element does inflate it just a bit more, doesn't it?" I teased back, enjoying the easy banter between us.

After some more light-hearted banter, the moment came when Lando was called back to his team for the pre-race preparations. He looked a bit reluctant to leave our conversation, but the responsibilities of being a racer were clear.

"I have to go," he said reluctantly, the shift in his demeanor noticeable. "They need me for the pre-race stuff. I'll be back after the race though, yeah?"

I nodded, understanding the necessity of his duties. "Go on, go do your thing. I'll be here, watching the race and cheering you on." I offered him an encouraging smile.

Lando returned the smile, a flicker of gratitude and something else in his eyes. "Thanks. And remember, if I win, you owe me an extra long chat tonight. Deal?"

I laughed, shaking my head at his request. "If you win, you get an extra long chat huh? But how about this? If you win, dinner will be on me."

Lando's eyebrows raised, intrigued by my counteroffer. "Dinner, huh? You know how to motivate a guy to drive faster, don't you?"

I shrugged, my tone light and playful. "Consider it incentive to win. Loser pays for the winner's meal, deal?" I held out my hand, waiting for his response.

Lando's eyes sparkled with a mixture of excitement and challenge. He took my hand, shaking it firmly. "Deal. Loser pays for dinner after the race. I better win then."

I winked, a confident smile on my face. "Just don't get too cocky now. I might surprise you, and you'll owe me a nice dinner."

Lando chuckled, clearly enjoying the banter and the friendly competition. "Just you wait and see."

The race was a whirlwind of tension and excitement, with each lap filled with nail-biting moments and heart-stopping turns. But finally, the race ended, and Lando emerged victorious.

I watched as he crossed the finish line, his car pulling into the pit, the radio buzzing with congratulations from his team. He made his way out of the car, helmet off, a satisfied but tired expression on his face as he spotted me waiting.

He jogged over to where I was standing, the adrenaline of his win still very clearly in his eyes. "Well, look who it is," Lando said, his tone filled with satisfaction and a hint of exhaustion. "Looks like I won. That means you owe me dinner, doesn't it?"

I put on a mockingly dramatic pout, playing along. "Oh, how will I ever recover from the shame of having to pay for a rich racing driver's meal?" I dramatically clutched my chest, feigning distress.

Lando laughed, the sound rich and carefree. "Come on, don't be a sore loser. You made the bet."

I sighed, pretending to give in. "Fine, fine. Loser pays. You drove a good race, I'll give you that. But don't get used to me paying for your food."

Lando's eyes twinkled with amusement. "Oh, I won't. But I'll definitely enjoy tonight's dinner, on your dime."

As we talked, the high of his victory was still palpable, but reality set in quickly. Lando was being called to attend his media duties, giving interviews and press conferences.

"I've got to go do all the media stuff, but wait for me in my room, alright? I won't take too long," Lando said, his expression still excited but a little distracted already.

I nodded, understanding that his responsibilities as a racer came first. "No worries, I'll wait in your room. Take your time with the interviews and stuff. I'll see you later."

Lando gave me a brief smile, a mix of gratitude and impatience. "I'll be there as soon as I can. See you later."

He quickly kissed me on the cheek before being whisked away by a member of his team, leaving me behind shocked after his little action but I quickly composed myself knowing I'm in public. I started walking to find my way to his room to wait.

As I was waiting in Lando's room, I heard a knock on the door. Expecting Lando, I called out, "Come in!"

But it wasn't Lando who entered, it was his best friend Max Fewtrell. I knew Max from the times Lando had talked about him, and I was surprised to see him. He too seemed to recognize me.

Max walked in, shutting the door behind him. He gave me a friendly smile. "You must be the girl Lando's been talking about," he said, his voice warm and amiable.

I smiled back, a bit embarrassed at the fact that Lando had been talking about me to his friends. "Yeah, that's me," I replied, feeling a bit nervous in the presence of Lando's best friend.

After Max and I started talking, he casually mentioned how Lando and I had gotten quite close lately. He then added, "Funny, I never expected Lando to go for a fan like this. He was a bit hesitant at first, worried you were going to take advantage of him or something."

His words shocked me. "Wait, what do you mean? He was concerned about me being a fan?" I asked, feeling a pang of hurt and confusion.

Max nodded, the honesty in his eyes clear. "Yeah, he was. Lando didn't want to admit it, but he was scared that you were just interested in him because he's a driver, that you weren't really into him for who he truly is."

I was taken aback, feeling the sting of doubt and hurt. "I can't believe he thought that," I managed to say, my voice soft. "I've been talking to him because I genuinely like him, not because he's a racing driver."

Max sighed, his voice softening. "I think he was just cautious, you know? He gets a lot of attention from fans, and he's had some bad experiences with people pretending to be something they're not. He didn't want that with you."

I was quiet for a moment, mulling over Max's words. A part of me understood Lando's worry – I could imagine the sorts of people he'd encountered – but it still hurt to know he had doubted my intentions all this time.

Max could see the mix of emotions on my face. "Look, Lando really likes you. He does. But he was just scared, that's all. He's been burned before, and he didn't want that to happen again. He didn't want to fall for someone who was only interested in his fame, and not in him as a person."

Max's phone rang suddenly, breaking our conversation. He checked the screen. "Ah, sorry, I gotta take this," he said apologetically. "Lando should be back soon, though. Just talk to him, alright?"

I nodded, managing a small smile. "Yeah, I will. Thanks, Max."

He gave me a comforting pat on the shoulder. "Good luck," he said before exiting the room to take his call.

Now left alone again, I was left with all the thoughts and feelings stirred up by my conversation with Max. Lando was on his way back, which only added to the whirlwind of emotions I was trying to sort through.

I leaned back against the wall, my thoughts chaotic. How could Lando have doubted me? Our connection felt genuine, didn't it? Was all of it just an illusion? Did he see me like just another fan of his? The idea filled me with confusion and hurt.

The sound of the door opening caught my attention, and Lando walked in, a smile still lingering on his face, his adrenaline from winning the race still evident. But as soon as he saw me, his expression faltered, replaced by a look of concern.

"Hey," Lando said, closing the door behind him. "Is everything okay? I just ran into Max, and he said that he talked to you before I got back. You seem upset."

I looked at him, the weight of my emotions clear on my face. "Yeah, Max spoke to me before he left. He told me a few things, about you being hesitant about us because I'm a fan, about you being worried I'm not interested in you but just in your career..."

Lando's expression changed from concern to a mixture of guilt and defensiveness. "That idiot," he muttered, running a hand through his hair. "Look, I can explain..."

I crossed my arms, waiting for him to continue. "Explain, then. Was Max right? Were you really worried about me being just another fan interested in your fame and not in you?"

Lando let out a heavy sigh, sitting down on the edge of the couch. "It's not that simple," he began, his voice unusually serious. "I've had my fair share of people using me for my career. You have no idea the number of people who pretend to care just because being with a driver comes with perks. It makes you wary, okay?"

I tried to understand his point of view, but it still hurt. "I understand that you've been through stuff with others, but you know I'm not like that. I've been nothing but honest and genuine with you. How could you doubt my intentions, especially after all we've discussed and shared?"

Lando looked at me, his eyes earnest. "I know, I know that now. I was just scared, alright? I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe, just maybe, you were like the rest. It was stupid, I know, but I couldn't help how I felt."

I pursed my lips, my hurt feelings still not fully soothed. "It's not just stupid, it's hurtful. It makes me feel like you didn't trust me this whole time, like all the things we've shared and the connection we've made didn't matter."

Lando groaned, his face a picture of guilt and regret. "You're right, okay? I was an idiot. I should've trusted you from the start. I shouldn't have let my past experiences color my interactions with you. I'm sorry, really."

I sighed, his words offering some relief but not erasing all the hurt. "I want to believe you, Lando. But words are just words. How do I know you won't keep doubting me in the future? How can I trust that you truly believe I'm here for you, not your fame?"

Lando stood up, moving closer to me until he was standing right in front of me. He looked me straight in the eyes, his voice soft but firm. "I promise you, I won't doubt you again. I see now how wrong I was to question your intentions. And I realize that you are not just any fan. You're special, to me. I never should have let my own fears and insecurities cloud that."

His words were sincere, the remorse and regret clear in his eyes. But a part of me still felt hesitant. "How can I be sure, Lando? How do I know this won't happen again, that you won't second-guess me every time we have a disagreement or a bad day?"

Lando took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts before speaking. "Because, the truth is, I... I have feelings for you. Real feelings. Feelings I can't ignore or deny anymore. And the thought of losing you because I was too scared to trust is... terrifying. And I may always joke around and not take things serious but the feelings I have for you are real how cringy it may sound."

My heart skipped a beat at his words, my eyes widening in surprise. I had suspected he felt something for me, but hearing him confirm it so openly caught me off guard.

"You... you have feelings for me? Are you sure?" I asked hesitantly, not quite believing what I was hearing.

Lando nodded, his gaze unwavering. "I've never been more sure of anything. I tried to fight it, to ignore it, but I can't. I've feelings for you, and they're stronger than my own insecurities and fears. I'm sorry it took me so long to admit it, and I'm sorry for doubting you. But please, believe me. This is real for me. You're real for me."

I looked at him, searching his eyes for any sign of dishonesty. But all I saw was vulnerability, sincerity, and a deep, genuine affection. "I... I don't know what to say," I stuttered, still processing his confession.

Lando stepped closer, his hands gently resting on my arms, his touch sending a shiver down my spine. "You don't have to say anything right now," he said quietly. "Just... don't give up on me yet, okay? Let me show you that I mean what I say. Let me prove to you that I do trust you and that my feelings for you are real."

Without any more hesitation, I looked into Lando's eyes and let the truth spill out. "I have feelings for you too, Lando. I have for a while now. I never thought you'd feel the same way, so I tried to downplay my feelings, to make them seem less real than they were."

Lando's eyes widened at my confession, a mixture of surprise and relief on his face. "You do? You really do?" he asked, as if he needed to hear it more than once to believe it.

I nodded, my heart pounding in my chest. "Yes, I do," I confirmed, my voice filled with conviction. "And it makes what happened even more painful, knowing that you didn't trust me, that you thought I was just another fangirl."

Lando winced, the truth hitting him hard. "I was an idiot, I know. I should've just been honest from the start. I should've trusted my heart instead of letting my fears take over."

Lando looked at me, the guilt still evident in his eyes but mixed with hope now. "So... you forgive me?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

I took a moment to consider, thinking it over. "I do," I said finally. "I understand why you acted the way you did, even if it hurt. You've been hurt before, and it's hard to trust again after that."

The tension in the room lessened, and Lando let out a sigh of relief. Then he stepped closer, his hand gently lifting my chin. "Thank you," he murmured.

I could feel my heart rate increasing as his face moved closer to mine. His gaze was intense, filled with a mix of love and relief. Finally, he broke the remaining distance between us, his lips gently touching mine in a soft, lingering kiss.

The moment our lips met, it was like a spark ignited inside me. I felt a rush of emotions, a mix of relief, joy, and a deep affection for the man in front of me. I kissed him back, pouring all of my feelings into it, wanting him to truly understand how much I cared for him.

The kiss lasted for what felt like a sweet eternity, our lips moving against each other in a tender dance that expressed all the sentiments we both felt. When we finally pulled back, we were both breathless, our foreheads touching as we shared a look that was filled with newfound understanding and love.

After our heartfelt confession and that beautiful kiss, Lando looked at me, a small smirk on his face. "You know, we make quite a pair," he joked, his thumb brushing against my cheek. "A fan and a driver... pretty unconventional, huh?"

I laughed, swatting his hand away gently. "Yeah, I guess you could say that. Just wait until the news gets out. The tabloids will have a field day."

Lando chuckled, pulling me closer to his side. "Let them talk. As long as we're happy, does it really matter what they think?"

I smiled, leaning against him, feeling the warm, solid presence of his body next to mine. "Maybe you're right," I conceded, resting my head on his shoulder. "Besides, I think I kind of like being unconventional."

Lando wrapped his arm around my waist, his chin resting on top of my head. "Good, because I'm not sure traditional would suit us anyway," he teased, nuzzling my hair affectionately.

We stood there for a moment, enjoying each other's embrace, the world outside the room seeming a little less important in this small, private moment of ours.

Just as we were basking in our shared happiness, the door suddenly burst open, startling us both. Max stood in the doorway, a cheeky grin on his face.

"Well, well, well, look who finally figured things out," he teased, his tone light and playful.

Lando groaned, rolling his eyes before grabbing one of the pillows on the couch and throwing it at Max. "You couldn't knock, could you?"

Max dodged the pillow with a laugh, holding his hands up in surrender as he backed out of the room. "Okay, I'll leave you two lovebirds alone," he said, his voice filled with amusement.

Lando and I exchanged a look, both of us shaking our heads at Max's antics. We had a feeling he would be teasing us about this for a while.

After Max exited, closing the door behind him, Lando and I were left alone once more. We both started laughing at the absurdity of the situation, shaking our heads at the antics of Max.

As our laughter subsided, Lando looked at me, his expression soft and affectionate. "I'm still glad he walked in and forced us both to admit our feelings tho," he said, pulling me closer.

I nodded, a smile playing on my lips. "Me too. Max has always been a bit of a nudge, but he means well."

Lando wrapped his arms tighter around me, his chin resting on top of my head. "He's also going to be a huge pain in our asses, you know that, right?" he said, his voice amused.

I chuckled, leaning back into his embrace. "Oh, I'm fully aware," I agreed, a hint of resignation mixed with amusement in my tone. "We'll never hear the end of it from him."

Despite the inevitable banter we'd be subjected to in the coming days from Max and undoubtedly others, we both knew that it was worth it. Being able to hold each other like this, the weight of unspoken feelings lifted, made everything else seem secondary.

We stayed there, enjoying the quiet comfort of each other's company, both knowing that our unconventional love story was just beginning.

yourusername posted on Instagram!

Liked by landonorris and others

yourusername Crazy to think that it all started because of my clumsy self ☕️

View all comments

landonorris: Never been happier with someone spilling coffee on my shirt! Love you gorgeous ❤️ by author

yourfrienduser: So this is what you've been up to huh 🤔

bffuser: Slay girl my bestie is a wag y'all

yourusername: girl chill 🤣

yourfrienduser2: Alright girlie I see you, I would ditch uni for that reason too 🫡

ln4youlover: Is this the girl he was seen with last time?

carlando554x4ever: Yeah that's her it was confirmed by Lando on his insta

formulaonemaniac4: They're so cute together!

lalalando4youx: She was his fan first y'all, do you know what that means?

landosbrokennose4: It means I have a chance with Lewis Hamilton

forformula81: Yeah no chill all of you 😳

landonorris posted on Instagram!

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landonorris There's nothing better then geting P1 in my home race, with the best support I could ask for!

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yourusername: So so so proud of you Lan ❤️ by author

maxfewtrell: Still haven't got my credit for helping

landonorris: oh shush mate 🙄

calossainz55: Well done cabrón!

landonorris: Thanks mate!

danielricciardo: Yeah we have much to talk about mate

landonorris: 👀

81osclvr: Brb going to sleep on the highway today 🙃

lnqdformulaone: They're honestly the cutest thing ever

love4ln4shoes: The fact that she was his fan made me more delulu 🤭

forwarverstappen1: This isn't some kind of fanfiction girl 💀

love4ln4shoes: Let a girl dream damn 🫤

The end

[teaboot]

Forgive me if you’ve already answered something similar but how do you deal with crushing guilt when you did fuck up but there’s not really anything you can do to like make amends or you’ve already done anything you could and still feel guilty?

Like I know the guilt isn’t productive at all, if anything it’s just paralyzing me, and mentally beating myself up over it isn’t actually helping anyone. But I don’t know where to go from there. Idk how to actually forgive myself, or at least be able to move on

CW FOR SELF HARM

Okay, so this is something I've had to work through for a very long time myself, and there's a few different strategies that I've used to cope and process with varying levels of success.

What I used to do was handle the "I've ruined everything and hurt people and am never going to be forgiven" feeling by hurting myself in a number of creative and stupid ways, from physical hurt (Everything you'd expect) to mental hurt (wallowing, speaking badly of myself, going over the bad thing over and over again in my head) to passive hurt (neglecting my health, not eating properly, failing to pursue good living conditions, letting others hurt me, deliberately wandering into risky situations) and despite any short-term relief or peace I got, none of it ultimately fixed anything.

At the end of the day, making myself suffer as retribution or apology didn't fix the thing I'd done and didn't make the guilt go away, and all it gave me was an additional sense of shame and isolation because now not only was I a garbage person, I was a garbage person with something to hide from my loved ones. Zero out of ten, do not recommend.

The stuff that DID help was harder and is going to sound stupid because *I thought it was stupid* until it worked for me.

First: Learn the difference between GUILT and SHAME.

GUILT is how you feel about your choices.

SHAME is how you feel about yourself.

"I was late to a date again, that was inconsiderate": GUILT. The issue can be resolved by analyzing the reason behind the action and planning steps to avoid repeating it in the future. Guilt is productive because it motivates us to improve our choices. Once you've corrected the behaviour, it's over.

A"I was late to a date again, I'm inconsiderate": SHAME. The issue can be resolved by asking ourselves:

What negative thing to I believe about myself?

What other experiences support this belief? What evidence do I have that the bad thing is true?

Do those previous experiences have anything in common? Where they actually proof of a personal lack, or did someone just tell me they were? Were my choices and actions understandable? Did I have a reason? Was I trying to hurt others, or was it a mistake, accident, or learning experience? Have I grown from that experience?

Can I forgive myself for the past? What do I need to do to forgive myself for those past events? Was I really at fault at all, or was it out of my control?

Accept that.

Your present traumas and shames often have roots in beliefs you had about yourself before the new shameful thing occurred. When you dig into resolving the issues that led to today, you can use those conclusions to work through tomorrow. This is something I learned in cognitive behavioral therapy.

There are a number of ways of unpacking these questions, but as I felt I was deliberately avoiding my thoughts and feelings, I chose to jump into them directly, and found it to be effective.

You can write things down, talk to someone, paint something, draw something, whatever. Whatever at all works for you.

My solutions was to find a comfortable place on the floor, sit down, close my eyes, and do box-breathing (in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4) while deliberately thinking about every upsetting memory attached to a specific bad belief that I could recall until I had nothing left to go over.

Judge and jury. Was I a bad person, or did I make a mistake? Did I have malicious intentions, or did someone accuse me of malicious intentions? Am I bad, or have I been conditioned to believe I'm bad? And at the end of it all, am I capable of better? Do I want to be better? And would a truly bad person care?

It was more emotional than I expected the first few times. Cried a lot, actually. But if I can liken it to a common feeling, it was like getting out of a very thorough shower and realizing you didn't know how dirty you were before.

The process sucks ass, no lie, but it's worth it. Like draining pus from a gnarly wound to get it healed up properly.

I'm not an expert, of course, but life has gotten better since I started. I'm better at forgiving myself, at least.

Also: Some people will never forgive others even for tiny things. Sometimes once you've done your best, you've just gotta say "fuck 'em". C'est la vie, mon amie.

Good luck, yeah?

♡

[sweetkpopmusings]

miserable (you & me) | h. hyunjin <3

a/n: i have had these blurbs in my drafts FOREVER. "miserable (you & me)" is a song i've had on repeat since it dropped. i'm also a sucker for angst, so please enjoy these self-indulgent posts (they all have happy endings, i promise!) there will be one for each member, so stay tuned <3 pics not mine~

content: angst, happy ending | wc: 1k | warnings: none really! | pairing: hyunjin x gn!reader | requests:open

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

난 가망이 없는 미래에 손을 뻗어 날 부었네 / “i stretched out my hand towards a hopeless future and poured myself out”

of course it would be raining right now. the day’s weather had been normal, a smattering of clouds above and an overcast glow hinting that the weather might take a turn for the worse, but nothing was set in stone. that turned out to be true in a more literal sense, hyunjin realized, while watching people mill about on the street below with freshly opened umbrellas. he scoffed. what did you think would happen? what did you think would change?

the answer was nothing. but i had no choice.

you and hyunjin met up for your usual weekend get-together, returning to a favorite drink spot of yours after a few weekends of schedules keeping you apart. he had missed you so dearly, something that became achingly clear when his whole body lit up from seeing your face peek through the entrance. you noticed the buzz in his body when he greeted you, a sweet laugh escaping your lips. hyunjin’s heart melted at the sound, collapsing even more into endearment when you said, “i missed you a ton, too.”

a moderate number of people took up the tables and seats in the building, so there was a comfortable hum of casual conversation surrounding you. hyunjin, as always, was so closely tuned into the sound of your voice, he would’ve believed you if you said the place was completely empty. it was clichéd for sure, but he was enraptured by every single thing you said. he loved listening to all your thoughts, stories, jokes, anecdotes; whatever you were willing to share with hyunjin, he’d accept with open and grateful hands. you both laughed as you finished telling him an embarrassing story your friend shared with you the other day, and, so you could take a sip of your drink, you asked hyunjin, “how are you?”

without skipping a beat, hyunjin answered, “i’ve liked you for the longest time.”

seeing as that was quite the unexpected answer to your question, you froze. your brain buffered, face showing barely any expression, except maybe shock or confusion. hyunjin, perhaps realizing what just occurred, reacted with wide eyes and frantic apologies. if his confession hadn’t stopped you so sharply in your tracks, the endless refrain of i’m so sorry! i don’t know why i did that. i’m so stupid! would have drowned out the words he spoke so naturally. you didn’t have time to process, but you tried to protest against hyunjin’s incessant apologies. this, it seemed, was fruitless.

hyunjin, with shaking legs and fumbling hands, gathered his things. 

“hyunjin, what’re you–”

“i should go, y/n,” he responded quickly, too quickly for him to mean it.

your heart broke at the way his voice cracked when he said your name, “no, just stay for a minute. please, i–”

his chest tightened when please fell from your lips, but he couldn’t bear the idea of you begging him to stay, only to tell him you didn’t feel the same. yes, it was immature, and, sure, it was probably selfish. yet all hyunjin could think to do was leave. so he did, his goodbye all staggered breaths and darting eyes.

you turned in your chair, barely catching his gaze as he raced to who knows where, “hyunjin?”

his eyes caught yours, and he ripped them away before he lost his foolish resolve. he hoped he offered you a soft smile, something to say i’m sorry for this. i just want you to be happy, and i guess this is me trying to make sure you stay that way. the adrenaline rush meant he couldn’t feel his face, though. he had no way of knowing what he looked like when he looked back at you. 

hyunjin’s whole trip home consisted of pleas for his legs to move faster. if his steps hit the ground hard enough, he could ignore all the scolding voices inside his head until he was safe in his room. if he were honest with himself, he was outrunning the look of shock on your face, and the way your voice fell when you asked him to stay. hyunjin, as he caught his breath in his room, realized that running away from you meant he ended up in front of his window, facing a future of heartbreak. a sardonic laugh broke free from his lips. maybe if you did it the right way, at the right moment, you’d be looking at them instead. maybe you’d be thinking of something other than angsty plotlines for the strangers passing by on the street below. 

“or maybe i could be hurt much worse,” he whispered to himself. 

that was the last sound that shared space with hyunjin in the room. he sat, mind racing and leg bouncing, completely silent. until someone knocked on the door.

hyunjin shuffled to the entryway, instinctively opening it at a familiar knock, only coming to when he saw you standing before him. of course, no matter how hard he tried, his body would always end up right in front of you.

ignoring the way his deflated figure twisted your chest up in all the worst ways, you chided, “you know it’s rude to confess to someone and leave immediately after, right? you didn’t give me a chance to respond.”

you huffed as you spoke. hyunjin couldn’t help the endeared smile that graced his face when he watched your frustrated, furrowed brow turn into a cute, unintentional pout. 

he thought, they are more precious to me than they’ll ever know, and he admitted, “you’re right. it was very rude of me. while i may not deserve to hear it after the way i acted, would you mind telling me what you were going to say?”

your shoulders relaxed as the familiar shine in hyunjin’s eyes returned. his beautiful smile came back too, as he watched your face light up with a reply he’d only ever dreamed of before.

“i like you too, hyunjin. i have for the longest time.”as though his hands weren’t shaking from anxiety a mere five minutes before this moment, hyunjin reached out to you, pulling you into his home and into his arms. when you accepted his invitation and melted into his embrace, hyunjin thought, i’ll pour my heart out to them again and again, if it means we’ll always end up right here, together.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

[m30wk1ttycat]

gally's runner

pairing: gally x gn!reader

tw: none

summary: you got into an argument with gally, and everytime you try to talk to him, you get too nervous to actually do so. (requested.)

I'M SO SORRY Y'ALL HAD TO WAIT FOR SO LONG TO GET SUCH A SHORT FIC 🙏

it was, quite frankly, stupid. the argument, the unnecessary yelling, everything.

and all because you decided to volunteer to be a runner, since one of the runners had gone through the changing and was banished recently.

"y/n, did you really think it was a good idea to just volunteer?" gally scolded, pacing back and forth. "to volunteer to be a shucking runner?" he added.

"but it's my choice, you don't get to just tell me what i can and can't do!" you shouted.

"i'm trying to look out for you!" he yelled back.

"then don't!"

he stopped pacing, turning to look at you with a scowl. he was just about to say something, but you spoke up as soon as he opened his mouth.

"listen, i can take care of myself. i don't need this bullshit about how i shouldn't have done this and that, just because you don't think i'm capable of being a runner."

you weren't done yet.

"i'm sick of you underestimating me. i'm sick of everyone thinking i'm not smart enough, strong enough, fast enough. but i know that i can -- and i will -- do this," you said, slamming the door shut behind you.

as much as you wanted to apologize to him, being a runner was draining. you had to wake up, eat if you didn't sleep in, run, get back safely, map the maze, take a shower, eat if you had enough strength to even get up, sleep, and repeat. even if you had the time and energy to do something other than exercise and massage your legs to soothe the pain, everytime you walked by where the builders usually were, you could never bring yourself to actually talk to him.

you wanted to, you really did. but at this point, avoiding him seemed like a much better choice than to awkwardly attempt to talk things out with him.

so, gally took matters into his own hands. oh my, what a gentleman.

a knock sounded at the door, making everyone in the map room stare blankly at the door as if that would open it.

minho decided to open the door, revealing a rather exhausted looking gally standing there with his arms crossed.

"yeah?" minho asked.

"alby's looking for y/n," he lied. the look of confusion on your face was priceless, in his opinion. maybe minho's, too.

"what does he need?" you asked skeptically.

"didn't say."

you looked at minho as if looking for a confirmation that you could leave. the only response you got from him was a gesture for you to just go outside as he continued holding the door open for you. alby was the first-in-command, after all -- whatever it was that he need, surely, it had to be something important, and minho understood that.

the moment the door closed behind you, you turned to look at gally, asking, "where is he?"

"he didn't need anything from you, i just wanted to talk to you," he confessed.

"aren't you supposed to be fixing the med-hut's roof?" you questioned.

you could basically see him wanting to facepalm right then and there.

"i'm on my break, y/n," he explained.

"and why do you-"

he took your arm and led you away from the map room. this was not something that the runners needed to hear.

"what's going on with you?" he asked as soon as you were away from most of the gladers.

"nothing."

"don't lie to me, we both know that it's not 'nothing'." he looked at you with an expectant look on his face, awaiting an answer. he wasn't mad at you. if he was, then he was doing a really good job at hiding it -- which was something that gally wasn't very good at. if he was angry, he'd have probably screamed his head off. just like those two weeks ago.

holy shit, you've been avoiding him for two weeks.

your eyes widened in realization, but then you answered. this time, you were truthful.

"i'm sorry i acted the way i did. i wanted to tell you that i'm sorry, but i just.. i didn't know how," you said, "so, i started to avoid you, because i was too nervous to talk to you." he nodded, letting you continue. "i'm sorry -- not just for avoiding you, but for everything. i know you meant well, and i know that you were just looking out me. i didn't mean to snap at you like that. i know this isn't an excuse, but i just wanted to help out in some way."

"i know you did, and that's okay," he promised, his tone much softer now. "i'm also sorry. for making you feel like you weren't enough."

you hugged him, and the second your head hit his chest, you felt his burly arms wrap around your waist.

"i love you, i hope you know that," you heard him murmur, "even if you don't make the smartest decisions sometimes."

"i love you, too."

"does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?"

"yes, gally."

and with that, you pecked his cheek, and he kissed your forehead in return.

[ever-eilish]

Could you do Billie Eilish asking r out

A (not so) bad day

billie eilish x fem! reader

a day that is supposed to be horrible takes unexpected turns, after you accidentally bump into a certain singer

author's notes: thank you so much for requesting, I really appreciate it! sorry if this is not what you wanted, I really hope you like it though! once again, english is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes, enjoy❤️

warnings: a bit of cursing, but mostly fluff

Chaotic. That was the only way to define today. You know that saying that 'nothing is so bad that it cant get worse'? So, that saying has proven true today.

I woke up 30 minutes late, spilled the coffee in my white clothes, missed the bus, and now I'm here, standing in front of the bland beige door, waiting for my boss to decide to call me to give me some more of his scolding.

Bad luck. That's the only word that can describe my day, or rather, my week.

Everything that could go wrong, did;

I'm in the midst of a series of catastrophic events ranging from the simplest, like knocking my butter breakfast bread to the floor — with the butter-covered part facing down, of course — to the more serious, like being threatened with losing my job by my annoying, weird boss.

I'm snapped out of my thoughts when I see the door in front of me open and the middle-aged man walk out of the room - which looks more like a chain saddle.

"Well, well, it looks like you've decided to be late again?" the wretch says.

As if I'd choose to miss my bus, spill coffee on my white blouse, and wake up late.

"That way I'll have no option but to fire you," he repeats the same words he's been saying to me for so long.

Son of a bitch.

"Sir, please! I promise it won't happen again, I love my job!" I lied.

"I'm sorry, but you're officially fired," he announces, as if announcing me as an Oscar winner. I take a deep breath, count to a thousand, take another deep breath and, with all the calmness in the world, say: "FUCK YOU!" I throw my badge on the floor, and walk towards the office door, ignoring all the crooked looks directed at me, and leave that musty-smelling place.

I didn't even like it there!

My God, how am I going to pay my bills? Fuck that old cuckold.

Fuck that old-man

Oh my God, I'm going to have to sell my computer.

I hated my. co-workers anyway.

My God, my computer.

All thoughts were running. through my head in a whirlwind when suddenly I bump into someone in front of me and fall to the ground.

THAT'S ALL I NEEDED!

Without even noticing who it was, I quickly stand up muttering something like, 'I'm sorry'; and I offer my hand to the stranger sitting on the floor.

And it is at that moment that, with my hand outstretched, I begin to notice the victim of my lack of attention.

The stranger wore a black blouse with white stripes — or white with black stripes - and black shorts. Her beautiful hair had the roots dyed red, while the rest was dark brown.

I could have sworn I knew her from somewhere.

It's very sudden when I feel her warm touch on my hand - which remained stretched - and I feel the girl partially throw her weight on me to get up.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I should be more careful" she says, with an embarrassed smile.

"I'm the one who apologizes! I've been walking around thinking about nothing and ! ended up bumping into you" I say,

scratching the back of my neck.

"Are you okay? You hit it really hard against the floor" was only when the girl tells me that I notice my throbbing hip.

"I'm great!" I lied knowing full well that the last thing I was in right now was 'great'. "Hm, so, you live here?" the stranger says, acting as if she wants to continue a conversation.

I don't have anything better to do, after all, why not talk?

"No! I live in my house," say, internally cursing myself for the terrible attempt at a joke.

Anyway, she laughed, and I felt my. embarrassment soon go away when I heard the good sound of that laughter.

"Oh got it, you're the funny type, then?"

she asks me, clearly joking.

"That's what they say"

We stare at each other for a while when very quietly, I hear the click of a camera. The girl seems to hear the same thing as I do, when she suddenly grabs my arm and pulls me nto the convenience store next to us.

What the fuck is going on?

She pulls me further into the store and 'hides' behind a food rack.

Holy shit, is she being followed?

My God, could it be that she's a serial killer and I recognized her because of that?

Holy shit, I'm too young to die.

What if...

I am interrupted from my mental breakdown at the sound of his voice.

"Hm, I'm sorry about that. You know how it is, right? Paparazzi are everywhere."

My God, I was right.

She's a serial killer and I'm her next victim. "Are you going to kill me?" my eyes widen as I ask.

"What?" she says to me, visibly confused, "my. name is Billie! I'm a singer."

I let myself take a deep breath when I hear what Billie tells me. Well, at least I won't die today.

"Hey, I really enjoyed talking to you, and I wanted to meet you again" she says, looking deep into my eyes "what do you think about going to a coffee shop with me one of these days?"

Is she asking me out on a date?

"Like a date?"

"Yes!"

"I want to!" I reply promptly, and watch as she rummages through her purse for a pen.

"Here!" She finally finds a blue fine-tipped pen, pulls out my hand, and writes something.

Before I can process what was happening, I feel a small kiss being left on my cheek and watch her walk out of the store with her head down.

When I look into my hand, I read:

"Cafeteria 221B, Baker Street;

03/22, at 9:00 pm.

See ya<3"

Maybe today wasn't such a bad day after all.

[wonderland-smile-stories]

~ Chapter 1. 05 ~

I apologize in advance for any spelling or grammar mistakes and how poorly written this fanfic is. English is not my first language and together with my dyslexia ass things can go wrong I'm sorry.

Quickly I turned around and to my surprise, I saw Hyun-su closing the door with a bang.

We were both taking deep breaths from what just had happened. His back was facing me, but I could tell that he probably had the same scared expression on his face as me.

Both too scared that the girl would hear us we stood there in silence looking at the door. A yelp left my mouth when his doorbell went off together with both of us jumping out of fear.

"Excuse me, are you in?" The voice sounded like the girl's normal voice again.

Maybe that thing wasn't her.

My legs were trembling while I tried to take normal breaths, but the only breaths that came out were short ones.

"Please help me. I'm so scared, please help me." Her voice sounded like she was genuinely terrified.

"Is anybody home? Please help me." Her voice pleaded.

"Hello, please help me." She cried hoping we would hear her.

My breath hitched when Hyun-su took a step to the phone that was on the wall together with the little monitor. I watch as he grabs it with a shaky hand, bringing it slowly to his ear. The screen turned on showing us that it was just the normal girl from earlier today.

"H..hallo? Are you okay?" Hyun-su asked shakingly.

A look of relief washed over the girl's face before she spoke.

"You're home." She said with a sigh of relief and a little smile at the end.

"Did something happen?"

I walked closer to Hyun-su looking over his shoulder at the monitor.

"I just came home, and the door was wide open, and it was a mess inside." Her voice was shaky like she was ready to burst into tears at any second.

"And my cat is gone." She let out a little cry before continuing.

"A...and the floor, it was covered in blood." That must have been the blood I saw in the hallway.

"Please, help me!" She cried out.

I felt bad for her and if that thing was still out there it could get her, but something felt off. The whole time she had been talking the knot in my stomach grew. I had sworn that the voice I heard, in the beginning, was her's. Yet if it was really her she had to look completely different than how she was now.

Hyun-su said that he would call the police to help because we both didn't know what to do about this.

"Can't you stay with me?" She pleaded desperately.

The moment Hyun-su put the phone against his ear a high pitch soon came through it. Quickly I took my phone while I heard him muttering 'What is this?' With shaky fingers, I dialed the number, but the moment I put it against my ear the same high-pitched sound came through.

With a scared frown on my face, I looked back up and saw Hyun-su looking at me. I shook my head, letting him know that I had the same results as him.

The both of us look back at the screen when the woman let a out whaling sound pleading with us to let her in. My heart stopped beating when I saw Hyun-su looking at the door, thinking he wanted to open it.

Quickly I grabbed his arm before whispering.

"Don't, something’s wrong."

For a few seconds, he looks at me with a scared look before turning back to the screen.

"Well....... Can you show me your arms?"

I was confused as to why he asked that, questioning what this had to do with this.

The girl's expression changed to a surprised one.

"What?"

"Your arms. Show me your arms." He repeated now a bit louder.

"What did you say?" My heart stopped beating for a second when she spoke with a more sinister voice than before.

"Your arms. Show me your arms. Show me."

Her whole demeanor changed when he was done talking.

"I told you to open the door! Open it!"

My hand grabbed the back of Hyun-su's shirt trying to hold myself up from my shaky legs. Acting crazier than before she screamed louder coming closer to the camera while blood came ozing out her nose. An eerie laugh filled the atmosphere together with a loud banging on the door.

I was hoping that the door was strong enough to hold her out. She kept on screaming while cursing at us when suddenly music was coming from above us. Apparently, she heard it too because she began to laugh again before creepingly walking away and kept saying she was hungry.

Whoever was playing the music just saved our lives.

"Oh no."

I breathe out after I recognize the melody.

"Ji-su!"

Without wasting any time I ran to the door.

"Hey, wait!"

Hyun-su grabbed my arm pulling me back before I could reach the doorknob.

"I have to go! My friend, she's in danger!" I said with an anxious voice and shaky hands.

"Yo....you'll die before you can reach her." He did have a point, but I didn't care I didn't want to lose someone else.

"I can't just do nothing!" I pleaded hoping he would understand and let me go.

With a scared look on his face, he looked down at me before letting me go. Grabbing a mop from the wall he smacked it against a corner breaking the mop part off. I was totally confused about what he wanted to do with it until he walked past me to the door.

I wanted to speak up, but before I could he yanked the door open letting out a scream, and ran into the hallway. For a moment I just stood there surprised and confused by his behavior with frown brows before shaking my head, following after him. I stopped walking when I heard him talk to someone before continuing to, making sure it wasn't the girl.

The moment I came from behind the corner I saw Hyun-su fall down onto the dirty ground.

What the hell?

My eyes traveled back up and saw a man standing there in a light brown suit, with one side of his face covered in burn marks. I opened my mouth to say something, but honestly, I didn't know what to say. The man looks up with an unbothered look.

"Is he your boyfriend?"

"What?! No?! I just met him today! Besides, just because a boy and a girl hang out together doesn't mean their boyfriend en girlfriend!" I quickly rambled on shaking my head at him.

"He helped me escape from a crazy girl that wanted to kill me." I kneeled down next to Hyun-su making sure that he was still alive and didn't die out of shock and fear.

"He said something about crazy a woman as well." The man casually said.

I wanted to ask him who he was because I hadn't seen him here before when I remembered Ji-su.

"Shit!"

I stood up debating if I had the leave Hyun-su here and go to Ji-su risking my own life. My gaze went back to the man who was about to walk away.

"Hey, sir! Can you go upstairs and check on a friend of mine? I'm sure that woman went after her when she heard the music. I would go myself, but." I pointed at Hyun-su telling him I couldn't leave him behind.

The man looks up from him giving me a stern look before letting out a groan and turning around. I watch as he goes upstairs leaving me behind on my own.

Well, not really on my own.

I look down at Hyun-su's unconscious body letting out a loud sigh. Knowing I had to get him back to his room, I kneeled down and put my arms underneath his armpits trying to lift him up without letting him fall.

Jesus, this boy is taller than me and I'm here dragging him around.

With a few groans and curse words, I reached his apartment safely. First I dragged him inside before closing the door quickly afterward. I didn't want to risk leaving it open with that woman still running around here. Gathering my last strength I picked him up again and dragged him further into the room. After I placed him down, I took a seat on the ground taking deep breaths.

I'm not in shape like I used to be before. I looked up at the ceiling trying to see if Ji-su was okay or not. The music had stopped when I came back into the room, but it was oddly quiet up there. Maybe the woman went down instead of up. I was just hoping that Ji-su was alright. I know that she can take care of herself, but seeing how that woman looks I don't know if anyone can take her down without a few shotgun blasts.

I stood up looking around.

There wasn't much to do for me here, but I also couldn't just leave him here alone. Biting my nails, I began to walk back and forth thinking about what the hell was happening with the world. Was this really the end of the world? Honestly, I didn't want it to end this way, but then there is a part of me that would happen that it is.

I jerked back when there was a knock on the door.

Is the girl fucking back?

There was another knock making me more anxious than I already was. I grab the stick that Hyun-su had earlier from the ground, keeping a tight grip on it before making my way to the door. There was another knock, but a voice soon followed.

"Mi-na? Are you in there?"

Ji-su?

I wanted to open the door, but what if it was something else again? I looked through the peephole and saw her standing there with a baseball bat in her hands. Nervously she was looking around trying to see if something was there.

"Ji-su? Is that really you?"

Her head snapped back to the door when she heard my voice.

"Yeah, open up! It gives me the creeps standing out here with that crazy bitch on the loose." I let out a sigh of relief.

That was definitely something she would say.

Hurriedly, I open the door letting her in. I wanted to close the door behind her, but a hand stopped it, making me panic.

Quickly I looked up and saw that it was the man from earlier. Without saying anything I let him inside. The moment I had closed the door and turned around she threw her arms around me.

"Thank God you're okay."

I wanted to say something, but she was squeezing me a little too hard to breathe.

"Ji-su.....air.... please," I mutter out.

She let go of me saying a small sorry.

"I'm glad you are also fine. I thought that it would have killed you!" She quickly shook her head.

"She absolutely wanted to, but she didn't get in my apartment."

Thank God.

I have never thought these old doors would be this strong.

I turn around and see the man kneeling next to Hyun-su.

"He hasn't woken up yet." His voice was stern and most people would immediately think he could be a gangster, together with his looks and intimidating gaze, but I didn't think he was.

In our town, there were a lot of gangs and bad people. Some even came over to discuss something with Miss Ward. I don't know what it was or why someone who runs an orphanage would make deals with people like them, but every time they came a bad feeling filled the house. So by now, I should know the difference. 

"Uhm, no."

The man let out a groan standing up before walking to the door.

"Stay here."

Was the only thing he said before leaving the room.

"He seems charming," Ji-su said looking back at me.

"Yeah totally prince charming," I mutter out, sitting down on the mattress with my back against the wall.

I began to play with my fingers looking up at the door.

"So what now?" She asked walking to Hyun-su, poking him with the bat to see if she gets a response.

"Just like he said. Stay here and wait. What else can we do?" She sat down on the ground next to Hyun-su letting out a groan.

"This is all so fucked up."

I chuckle looking down at my hands.

"Tell me about it."

For a few minutes, we just sat there in silence until groans came from Hyun-su's mouth.

"I think he's having a bad dream."

I moved closer to see if she was right and indeed it looked like he was having one.

Ji-su put her hand on his forehead feeling as if he had a fever, I think?

"Why is he so cold?" A frown came on her face and I quickly replaced her hand with mine to feel for myself. 

"I don't know," I whispered looking up at her.

The both of us looked up when we heard a door slam shut, followed by footsteps. To my surprise, Ji-su stood up and began to walk to the door.

"Where are you going?!" I hissed standing up.

"Stay here, okay? I'll come back if it's safe and with help for him." I didn't want her to go and put herself in danger.

Ji-su is an impatient person who doesn't like to wait around. I swallow thickly watching her walk out the door.

"Ji-su!" I managed to yell before the door was completely closed.

"Yeah?" She asked poking her head back inside.

"Please be careful."

She gave me a big smile nodding her head.

"Don't worry about me, you're the younger one I should be worried about you."

I smile nodding my head.

She gave me one last wave before disappearing behind the closed door.

I turned back around and saw that Hyun-su's computer had turned on. Jisu must have bumped into it when she stood up. I made my way to it ready to close it when my eyes saw the words appearing on the screen.

"Monsters? Stated of alert? Nosebleed?" I whisper out loud.

Previous Chapter ~ Next Chapter

[vioartemis]

Too far

(Amber Freeman x Ghostface! fem! reader)

Summary: After Amber and you were forced to become the new Ghostface, you realize your happy end just slipped through your fingers as you snap at her Request are here (with more details here and here) and here :)) a/n: it's quite short I'm sorry, got stuck at the end not really knowing what to do... Warnings: Ghostface stuff (violence, blood, injuries, etc), angst, no happy end (English isn't my first language, I'm sorry if there are mistakes or if something doesn't make sense TvT)

"Let me get this straight. You met a guy on reddit, started talking because you agreed Stab 8 was shit, and now he wants to start a new killing spree and frame Tara's sister for the murders?" you asked your girlfriend as calmy as possible

"And if I don't help him, he said he would kill you..." she added, looking down with tears in her eyes "I'm so sorry Y/n..."

She looked miserable. You never saw her like that. It was not her type to cry or let others step on her. You were her only weakness. She would do everything in her power to make sur you were safe.

You were the only reason she accepted to become the new Ghostface. To keep you safe. But that meant that she was in danger now. Because the bad guys never win.

She was acting weird lately, you knew something was off. But you wouldn't have imagined something like that. The thought of your girlfriend killing people - even if it was to protect you - made you sick.

"Hey, it's okay" you pulled her in for a hug "Telling me about it was the right thing to do. We're going to figure that out together, okay?"

Amber wrapped her arms around you and held you close, burying her face in the crook of your neck and apologizing all over again. She knew she fucked up and felt guilty about it.

"I'm so sorry..." she repeated "You're probably wishing you never had met me..."

"Of course not my love... I would never wish for that... You're the best thing that happened in my life..." you kissed her to wipe her worries away "Listen, here's what we're going to do... tell him we will help him"

"We? Wait no Y/n- I don't want yo to get hurt. That's too dangerous you can't- I don't want you to become a criminal because of me..."

"Amber, my love. It will be fine, I won't expose myself. I'll help you with the technical issues"

I was, in fact, not going to be fine. Taking care of 'technical issues' wasn't enough for Richie. He would force you to kill, threatening you to hurt your girlfriend and you if you didn't.

<><><><> ♡ <><><><>

That was it. Everyone was dead, including Richie. It was finally over. You were alone with Amber, in her house, both covered in blood.

You should be happy that it was over, but you couldn't take your eyes away from your friend's body. Tara's body. You felt like she was looking at you, her dark brown eyes wide opened in shock. Dead. Because of you.

You had flashbacks of Wes, how afraid he looked when you sunk your blade in his throat. How he begged you to let him live. How he would never know his mom was dead too.

You thought you would throw up immediately. It was a pure torture. Seeing him looking at you like that, terrified, crying for help. Every time you closed your eyes you could see him. Dead. In front of you.

How Judy died thinking her son was dead because she wasn't here in time. How she sounded when you called her. The panic in her voice, how it was shaking when you told her you gutted Wes. How you stomach twisted uncomfortably at the lie you told her.

How all your friends looked at you after the 'big reveal'. After you betrayed them all. How Tara begged you to untie her after Amber locked her in her closet. How she still had hope that you might change your mind and help her.

How she looked at you when you aimed at her with the gun, tears in her eyes, pleading you to stop. To spare her. How her eyes got wide when you told her you couldn't, voice shaking, tears rolling down your cheeks.

How the realization hit her. Her lips were trembling, she couldn't look at you anymore. She knew she was going to die of your hands before you even pulled the trigger.

And Sam's desperate scream after you shot her sister before her eyes... How it broke your heart to see her like that, knowing she couldn't protect the one she loved the most.

Protect the one she loved the most... That was what got you in this situation in the first place. You never wanted that. You never thought it would go like that. It was not supposed to go like that.

Amber and you were supposed to give Richie to the police with evidence. But she got scared. She thought you would've had problems too, being his accomplices, even if he forced you.

She told you it would be better to find another solution. Frame him for all the murders, not reveal yourselves with him. You trusted her. But her plan didn't work out.

None of this shit plan worked out.

She swore you wouldn't get hurt. She swore she made him promise nothing would happen to you.

But he stabbed you. Three times. And Gale shot you in the leg. And Sidney smashed a bottle in your face, leaving you with a deep cut on the left side of your face, going through your eye. You would probably never see with this eye again.

You had no idea how you were still conscious. You were so tired. The only thing you wanted to do was lay down and close your eyes.

Too caught up in your thoughts, you didn't hear Amber come up to you, until she entered your field of vision.

"Are you okay...?"

"Am I okay...? Am I okay...? Of course I'm not okay!"

You flinched when she tried to put her hand on your arm and took a step back.

"Don't touch me."

Now it was her turn to flinch at the tone of your voice.

"All of this-" you gestured toward the corpses around you, including your own wounds "-it's your fault. All. Of. This."

"Y... you don't mean it, right...?"

"Oh yes I mean it. Everything is your fault, Amber. If you never talked to him-"

"But you know he forced me...!" the way her voice broke should have told you to stop here. But you didn't.

"-if you stuck to the plan we wouldn't be here! You swore I wouldn't get hurt. You swore I wouldn't have to kill anyone! And look where we are! I killed my friends! For you! Because I got caught up in this stupid shit! Because of you!"

Your voice became more and more louder as your rage built up.

"I got stabbed three fucking times! And I will probably never see properly again! All that for what? For what huh? Tell me for what I did all this shit?!" you were yelling now, tears and blood blurring your vision "For you! Because I didn't want to let you alone! Because I thought we would get out of this before it got out of control! Because we had a fucking plan! A plan that you fucked up because you were too scared we would have had minor problems!"

"Baby... please stop..." She was crying now. Each one of your words felt like a stab wound directly in her heart "I- I love you so much I..."

"Well I fucking hate you!" you huffed, lips curling up into a smile - not a joyful one. "I don't even know why I stayed after you told me! I should have run away when I could. I should have listened to them. The others. Everyone. They warned me before we got together. They told me you were no good for me. But I didn't listen. I thought they were wrong about you. Turns out they were fucking right."

"Y/n..."

"You fucking ruined my life! I wish I never had met you."

Your tirade over, you took a moment to breathe, heart beating fast in your chest. You stumbled, and sat on the stairs, not giving her a single look. She didn't dare to look at you either.

She felt so empty, like you ripped her heart out of her chest and stabbed it, stepped on it, ran over it with a semi-trailer. She let herself fall to the ground, back against a wall. You waited for the ambulances and the police in this heavy silence.

When they took you to one of the cars, you were crying. Not even faking it. Real tears.

You didn't mean half of what you said to her. Even if you were angry - terribly angry - you could never hate her. You probably should, given what just happened. A part of you did hate her. But the other one was still desperately in love with her.

Maybe you went too far. Like this shitty situation. And exactly like it, it's too late to go back now. Even if you wanted to.

But you had to. It was the best thing you could do. For her.

It would be easier to go if she hated you. Easier for her to make a fresh start after. But god did it hurt... Telling her all this shit, knowing it would break her...

You lost too much blood, you knew it. It was a miracle you were still alive. You fought so hard to stay conscious during the last thirty minutes... but now you could let go.

The way Richie twisted the knife in your stomach probably damaged important organs, and the bullet in your thigh and the cut on your face didn't help. You had glass in your eye. Taking it out would probably kill you.

But it was okay. She was okay - physically at least. You were going to die, but she would be fine. There was no doubt she hated you right now. You hoped she did.

"It was the right thing to do, right...?" you whispered in the oxygen mask, as you felt yourself getting weaker

You felt tears rolling on your face. Your throat hurt. Your heart was in pieces. You regretted telling her all this shit. You just wanted to hold her before going. Just once.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it... I love you so much..." you murmured

As you started to slowly lose consciousness, your moments together flashed before your eyes; the first time you saw her, your first date, first kiss, her smile, her laugh, her sometimes questionable humor... her soft lips on yours, her hands slipping under your shirt, cold fingers caressing your skin...

She loved kissing you like that. You did too. You wished you could kiss like that one more time.

You wished things ended up differently.

She really was the best thing that happened to you. You wished you would have the chance to meet her again in your next life.

[matenrou-fan]

Hello can you write about ichiro hitoya and samatoki hitting their s/o by accident

Ichiro, Hitoya and Samatoki hitting their GN!s/o by accident

Such a strange request yet here!! Hope you will enjoy it!

GNreader, comfort, just wholesome stuff;;

-Honestly the one way when he can raise his hand it's during some childish game, when you two just fool around and try to catch each other.

-Especially if it's tickle fighting, when your boyfriend is just too carried away in his wish to win and finally pins you to the bed with hands around your waist.

-So when you would try to resist, pushing him off and tickling his sides at the same time, Ichiro just wanted to respond with a grasp on your arm, but overdid it.

-"Here, finally catch you..!" - this sudden hit on your shoulder makes you gasp in confusion, and his smile fades away as fast as your own. - "A- S/o, a-are you okay?"

-Even if you sound so loud due to the unexpectedness of this action, not from pain, Ichiro would anyway feel so guilty as if he did it on purpose.

-So all games will immediately stop as he leans closer to check out the hitted place while repeating apologies, mixed with a bunch of questions about how you feel. If it's actually that bad he would bring some ice, absolutely ashamed of his behavior.

-"I'm so sorry, s/o.. How can I call myself a proper mature man if I can hurt my most precious person so easily..?" - Ichiro looks almost like an abandoned puppy in the rain. No, he's not trying to make you forgive him through such puppy eyes, it's just really the way your boyfriend shows his guilt towards you.

-Only after a few times as you said it's alright, he would feel more easily. Yet still, Ichiro would be really careful for a month or two, being pretty slow and gentle during another tickling game or some playful fight.

-Despite his pretty harsh behavior, there's no way he would exchange something more than a few angry words with you.

-And this old man doesn't really like all these bratty games, he has enough of such energy thanks to Kuko's attitude. So with him, it's actually just an accident, as sometimes in the morning he's still so sleepy..

-Went to bed late, woke up early.. There's no way he would understand more than half of your words before drinking at least one cup of coffee with his favorite snack - cigarettes.

-"Honey, can you check the newspaper-" - light pain that erupts in his left elbow and your sudden gasp makes Hitoya wake up better than any coffee that he was trying to make. - "Ah- Shit, s/o, are you alright?"

-If it was someone else, he would probably just scoff, scolding them for getting too close to him from behind. Yet with you he would be much softer, even when his head still hurts from lack of sleep and he can't think straight.

-Well, of course he would check if you were alright, worrying a little about just how bad he hit your spine with probably all his strength. But Hitoya didn't feel that much guilt. He didn't see it coming!

-So all apologize that you would have some sloppy kiss on your forehead and a few headpats as Hitoya mumbled about being more careful and everything.

-"Mm? What's with this gaze?" - he put away a newspaper and chuckled, noticing your feigned frown. - "Oh, I didn't apologize properly? Huh, maybe I should then kiss your poor hurted back? Get closer, dear.."

-Well, but despite such teasing, your lover would leave a mental note about watching his back before turning around. And probably give himself more sleep and rest, so he wouldn't be that sluggish.

-Ok but. No matter what you would do or say, there's no way he would show this aggressive side of himself to you, you're his dear lover, after all. If you ever get that deep inside his heart, then he immediately would place you in the most sensitive part of it.

-And Samatoki is really overprotective, so there's not that many accidents when you bump into each other or hit without purpose.

-But it doesn't matter that even your attentive boyfriend couldn't inadvertently do something. Especially after a long hard day.. He just came home and sat on the couch, and your arms around his shoulders as you stand behind him the only thing that can help him feel better.

-"Ah.. Babe, I missed you so much today.." - A long tired sigh escaped his lips as he tossed his head back to look up at you but instead hit your nose, not knowing that at the same time you leaned closer to kiss the back of his head.

-For a moment you both pulled back, groaning in pain, but of course Samatoki would turn to you first, feeling absolutely guilty. His own pain doesn't matter that much as yours, especially due to the fact he's the one who's done it.

-Doesn't matter if this hit was really strong or not, Samatoki would bring everything - ice, handkerchief, aid kit, even some cold water if you start crying. In one second he turned from just a boyfriend to an overprotective over worried mom, that's how it feels.

-"I'm so sorry, my dear.. Here, look at me.." - his hand slowly caresses your back as he softly smiles at you. - "Ah, don't worry. Your nose is as pretty as before, so don't cry, okay?"

-But despite such playful talk, he actually would apologize a few times this evening, being even more clingy and cuddly than usual. Your boyfriend just doesn't want you to think about that too much, kissing your poor face gently while promising to be more careful next time.

[aspd-culture]

so about some of the traits and behaviours related to ASPD that can be upsetting or harmful to others (eg putting yourself and others at risk, not understanding or regarding the rights of others, etc), how do you deal with that in relationships (whether friends, dating, family, work)? like, when their side of an argument is that you’re being disrespectful or putting them at risk, but your side is that those are literally symptoms of ASPD and you weren’t actively trying to hurt them? they’re not wrong for feeling hurt still, but you’re not wrong for existing with this disorder. i realise it’s generally considered difficult for pwASPD to maintain relationships, but like, somehow you have to live your life and that involves a lot of interacting with people, plus pwASPD don’t deserve total isolation that they don’t want, obviously. apologies if the wording is confusing.

/genq /intending this respectfully

I appreciate this question and especially the way you worded it was actually super respectful, so thank you for that as well.

For me and many people with ASPD our social circles tend to be smaller and usually within that even fewer actually know about the disorder, which can make this especially tricky if they don't understand why we're acting this way. In that case, I personally do my best to take a step away from the situation and talk to people I trust who *do* know about my disorder to ask them AITA or not.

If they agree with me entirely, I stand my ground with the other person or remove them from my life if I feel it warrants that (which, with this disorder, I more often than not do if it wouldn't take much effort to cut them out of my life).

However, if the people I trust to help with my moral compass feel that I was entirely in the wrong, I will try and process that as a logical fact, practice faking remorse by myself, and apologize. Even if I don't feel remorse and the thing I did wrong came from my symptoms, I can personally still accept that the facts are that undue harm was caused to them.

My apologies tend to sound insincere so I've been told, but people tend to appreciate that I accept full responsibility, acknowledge the harm I caused, and work to change my actions, so they tend to see it as me seeming insincere vs actually being insincere. After all, I generally *don't* try to hurt the people around me, but if I did it anyway then it's probably worth trying not to repeat, if only for the practical purpose those people serve in my life.

I try really hard not to be the type of person, regardless of my PD, who says "this is how I am, get over it" without at least considering if I'm in the wrong. It took me many years to get to this point though, and I am able to admit that I was a pretty crappy friend at some points bc of my refusal to try and see where I was wrong. I used to feel that if I didn't feel remorse I should not have to show remorse, but I'm in the process of learning that's not accurate.

Remorse is best delivered from a heartfelt perspective, yes, but if that's not available storebought is fine. It's ok to have remorse be a practiced set of words and actions that you do when people are upset, so long as your apologies at least come from a place where you intend to try to change. That change doesn't have to be not having symptoms, but it's reasonable for people to expect your symptoms not to constantly negatively impact them.

All that said, if it's something I truly cannot change about myself, my side of the conversation usually looks like this, with adjustments based on what exactly the issue is (feel free to use this as a script of sorts if you have trouble talking through these things with ppl in your life! YMMV, but I spent a long time formulating it, so it deserves as much use as it can get lol). Keep in mind a lot of this is gonna sound like I don't have ASPD and that is on purpose. In my personal relationships I prioritize apologies and times when others are upset as times I choose to mask. That is honestly more for me than for them except for my Exceptions bc it’s extremely frustrating for me to navigate what is and is not coming off as angry, dismissive, etc. so I prefer to mask heavily during these kinds of conversations. You do not have to mask if you do not want to; it should not be the expectation of NT people/pwoPDs that we mask for their comfort.

If they know about my PD: "I don't want to hide behind this or use it as an excuse, but what you're talking about is a symptom of my personality disorder. I put in a lot of work to avoid these symptoms affecting other people, but at the end of the day I still have a disorder and some things are just not able to go away. What I can do is find out how this is hurting you. If it's my tone and not my words, there isn't much I can do about it besides remind you that my tone is often non-reflective of my intention and emotions. If it's my words, we can work together on a phrasing that would be more comfortable for you in the future. It will come across as scripted, but that doesn’t change the fact that I mean it. I would just be using that phrasing because it’s important to me not to hurt you. If it's a specific action, I can try to not repeat it. But I cannot get rid of the disorder and part of being in my life is understanding that and trying to find ways we can both cope without me having to mask all the time. That is exhausting and unrealistic unfortunately. Can you explain to me what exactly was the issue with what I said/did and how it made you feel so we can understand each other better?”

If they don't: "I get that what I said/did came off differently than I intended and hurt you. I'd like to know specifically what about it hurt you in your own words so that we can come up with a solution to avoid this in the future. I know it may feel obvious, and I basically already know (sometimes with neurotypicals you just need to LIE) what was hurtful. I just feel if you explain it to me, we can target it together better and I will be able to be a better friend/partner/coworker in the future. If you don't communicate that to me, I might accidentally end up making things worse and I don't want to do that. Think about it this way, if what I said made you angry and I thought it made you sad, however I try to rephrase it is probably just going to make you angrier since I’d be looking at it in the wrong context and that warrants a different response.”

If something is 100% unfixable, resort to a gentle version of old reliable "this is who I am" speech: "I understand that you're upset and the goal here was not to hurt you. I don't enjoy seeing you upset and what I did/said wasn't intentionally malicious. But that said, it is kind of just something about me that I talk/act like that sometimes. If it helps to know it isn't anything against you, great. I can give you that reassurance any time you need, just ask instead of assuming ok? If not, I think it may just not be possible for us to see as much of each other or maybe be in each others' lives. I don't want you hurt and if a part of my personality is hurting you, then you deserve to be happy. I want you to be happy and I would wish you all the best in that."

The difference about saying that last one now vs when I used to is that now I am both using much gentler wording and only saying this when I honestly believe the only thing I can do to help this person protect their own peace is to not be in their life. Inevitably, people tend to push after this "no I can handle it, I don't want to lose you", and I usually try and discourage it once and say "look I don't want to be the reason you're hurt and have you bottle it up until you resent me and then lash out at me. I want to protect both of us." If that still doesn't work, gotta be honest, it's their funeral at that point bc you said you could handle it, you said it wasn't that big a deal, you're a grown person and it's your job to either mean what you say or take responsibility if you don't.

Sorry for writing a novel! This stuff is complex and it’s hard to explain my process concisely. I hope this answers your question though.

[currentlyfckingurmom]

Her Song part 3

"Ash, I have no idea what the fuck I'm supposed to do. She's had a headache for two days and she's been asleep for like thirty hours. Do I take her to the emergency room? I should definitely take her to the hospital, right?" I ramble through the phone, panicking as I run a shaky hand through my hair.

"Y/N, calm down. I'm sure she's fine. You're prone to migraines, too, so I'm sure that's all it is. Don't take her to the hospital just yet. If it makes you feel better, call the ER or her doctor and ask," Ashlynn responds.

"I guess. It's just- it feels like something is wrong, you know? Like there's this pit in my stomach that won't go away and it's suffocating me."

"That's called being a mother, sweetheart. Syd is going to be fine. I really have to go to class now, okay? I love you, asshole."

"Love you, bitch."

I hang up and throw my phone on the couch. Ash has class today and Syd has felt sick since that night Florence came in, so David is running the store by himself. It's not ideal and I'm definitely going to buy him donuts to apologize, but I can't just leave a sick child by herself.

I groan and lay down on the floor, staring up at the ceiling fan. Syd is asleep for now, but she'll probably wake back up in a couple of hours because her head hurts. I just have no idea what to do for her. Maybe it's just a migraine and it seems worse because she's so young? I'm trying to convince myself that there's nothing seriously wrong, but I'm failing miserably at it.

I lift my arm and feel around the couch cushions for my phone. I grab it and look up Syd's pediatrician in my contacts. It rings a few times before he picks up.

"This is Dr. Lancaster's office. What can I do for ya?"

"Hello, this is Y/N Y/L/N. My daughter is Syd Y/L/N."

"Oh, of course! I remember my favorite patient. How is the little pumpkin?"

"Well, she's not exactly great. She's had a headache for the past two days, most of which she's slept through. She's in a lot of pain and I don't know what to do," I explain.

"Is she showing any other symptoms? A cough, fever, vomiting..." he trails off.

"Not at the moment, no. She was running a fever for a few hours when this first started, but I got it back down pretty quick. Do you think I should take her to the hospital? Or to you?"

"I don't think we should jump to extremes yet. Right now, I'm sure all she needs is some rest and her mom, okay? If the headache is still present in two days, her temperature spikes, or she starts throwing up, then I want you to bring her to the hospital. Sound good?"

"Yeah, okay. Thank you, Dr. Lancaster."

"Of course. Say hi to Syd for me."

"I will, bye."

I hang up the phone for the second time and slide it in my pocket. Deciding I should check on the demon child, I walk through our apartment and quietly enter her room. The blackout curtains are pulled closed, and the only source of light and noise is Shrek quietly playing on the TV.

She's still sound asleep, and I gently put my hand to her forehead to check her temperature. She's not running a fever. I sigh in relief and slide into the small twin bed next to her.

Looking at the collection of Marvel posters taped to her wall, I silently chuckle. Of course, there's a giant poster of Natasha and Yelena smack dab in the middle of the wall. I'm just glad that Syd didn't recognize Florence when she was in the store; Syd would totally freak out. And I doubt she would understand that Florence isn't actually Yelena.

Since the movie finished a long time ago, "I'm a Believer" is just playing on repeat with the menu on the screen. Which is very annoying. I only lay there for a few more minutes before leaving because that damn song is getting extremely obnoxious.

Once I'm back into the living area of the apartment, I check my phone. There are a few texts from David.

David: Yo, Florence Pugh is here. I repeat, FLORENCE PUGH IS IN YOUR STORE. This is wild!

David: I'll send you a picture.

Me: No, David! Do not take any pictures of her. Leave her alone. She's still a normal person.

David: Omg, she just asked if you were here. How tf do you know Florence freaking Pugh?

Me: This is not a very professional way to speak to your boss, you know.

David: Don't avoid the question. Why is she asking for you?

Me: She's come in twice before. We talked. Drop the subject, dude.

David: Fine, I'll just ask Ash. She'll tell me.

Me: David, no. Get back to work.

David: Fine.

I sigh in exasperation at his looney disposition. I won't lie, though; I want to know why she was asking for me, too. The rental on the vinyl doesn't end for four more days, and I'm 100% confident that it isn't scratched or anything. Did she actually want to talk to me? I hope it has nothing to do with that text she got the other night. She seemed really upset after getting it; I hope everything is okay. Not that it would be any of my business anyway.

"Momma?" Syd mumbles as she emerges from her room, wrapped in her favorite blanket.

"Yeah, babe?"

"Can we please have mac and cheese? And dino nuggets?"

"Of course. Are you feeling a little better?" I ask as she slumps down next to me on the couch.

"Mhm. My head doesn't hurt anymore."

"That's good. I'll go make your food," I say as I stand up and walk to the kitchen. "Even though it's three in the afternoon," I add on under my breath.

"Don't act like you don't always want mac and cheese and dino nuggets," Syd sasses me.

"Well then don't act like me."

"But I wanna be just like you!"

"Babe, I was a stripper at seventeen years old," I deadpan.

"What's a stripper?"

"Nevermind."

[stxrliasfics]

TW: MENTIONS OF SA; GROOMING. PLEASE SCROLL IF THAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE.

I wanted to share my takes on the Pod Meets World ep and the new Quiet on Set documentary that is out. This is going to be a long-winded blog post. I'll put a keep reading divider up so that no one will be bombarded while scrolling through their dash. I'd like to have a civil, adult conversation about this so if you decide to join in, please keep it mature.

In light of recent events with the whole Pod Meets World episode and the Quiet on the Set documentary coming out, it really opened my eyes more. I think a lot of fans have parasocial relationships with these stars, holding them on a pedestal, and forgetting that they are still real human beings who are prone to doing shitty human things. This is a reminder for me too. This is something I definitely need to break out of. And I'm mentioning this because it really did hurt to hear Drake Bell's story and how he really didn't get an apology. If what he said was true about Will and Rider only coming out with their episode after being notified about the documentary, then they deserve all the heat that they get. At first, I commended them for telling their stories on that creep Brian Peck and discussing their feelings during the court case. But now it seems disingenuous. I haven't gotten to watch the documentary aside from tidbits because I don't have a streaming service that I could watch it on, unless it comes on cable. And I haven't gotten to see the full Pod Meets World episode apart from the clips of Will talking so I plan on catching up and educating myself as much as I can. The guys apparently weren't told what was going on in the case and were blindsided by this. In no way am I doubting that they were groomed as well. But Drake mentioned that they were told everything by Peck before they wrote the letters and still decided to write them. That's insane in itself. As a CSA survivor and someone who was groomed and sexually harassed by an older "friend", it was disheartening to hear that my favorite actors were pretty much complicit and trying to save themselves when they realized their dirty work was being unsealed. And I didn't want to believe it when I read more on the info last night but it served me a reminder that these were real people outside of the characters. Obviously I know that, but Boy Meets World is one of my comfort shows and obsessions so it hurt to hear that. Although I enjoy the characters, I have to keep reminding myself not to get attached to the actors and actresses who play them. I brought the parasocial relationship thing up because that's what it felt like was radiating from the BMW reddit forum as well. Some of the people there were up in arms to defend them, saying "It was a different time period. They were told that Drake was coming on to Peck." DOES THAT NOT SOUND INSANE?? I’m pretty sure that they were told Drake was underaged, I can't remember too much from the podcast clips. If they knew, how did they not question it more before coming to court and writing the letters?? Not to mention that other people were reached out to write a letter for Brian and many declined. Were they already told about the case?? Were they only given small details just like Will and Rider?? My guess is that they already sensed how weird Peck was and got a bad feeling from his request. I would've thought that Will and Rider would have more common sense in something like this. But again, I don't know these people personally. None of their fans do.

And I will repeat once again, I'm not invalidating the guys' experience with Peck either. I wouldn't put it past Hollywood that the cast of BMW were all groomed and violated when they were younger too. The adults could've even been violated just as easily as well. From the clips that I've seen of Will talking about Peck, he seemed very genuine and remorseful. I’m sure that they were regretful. It's just that after hearing what Drake said about them not apologizing and them making the episode after the doc announcement, it feels off. Will admitted that he would like to apologize to Drake personally and Drake apparently isn't interested in an apology. Who can blame him? Would I accept an apology from anyone who stood up for my abuser? I don't think so. And Will had time to reach out to Drake before. Was it embarrassment that stopped him? And Brian could’ve very well lied to them. My own groomer is still walking around lying and gaining support from others.

The best research I could do was from forums, comment sections, and small clips, so please bear with me. I will educate myself more on the matter. But I felt the pain of every child actor that was affected because it reminded me of my own experiences and I'm upset with this new knowledge. We, of course, know what Drake was convicted of. I'm not mentioning that to take away from his trauma nor side with what he's done. But I've seen some people bring up this point at the mention of his experience with Brian Peck, invalidating him being sexually assaulted by this man. Firstly, I think that's absurd. We can still feel sympathy for Drake even if he isn't a good person.

The fact that Dan Schneider and Brian Peck are able to walk free TO THIS FUCKING DAY MAKES ME SICK!!! How the fuck was Peck only given 16 months in jail?????? They would've both been a bag of fucking bones by now underneath the cement of the jail if they hurt my kid. My next question is, what do we do about the child stars who are apart of these companies now? The ones who are still getting deals with Disney and Nickelodeon?? Just because Schneider and Peck were called out doesn't mean that ALL of the pedos under these companies are gone. All of the children affected deserve justice.

[neurotypical-sonic]

(Hello, sorry if this sounds weird/rude, idk how to phrase this sentences tbh)

I really want to start writing fanfics, but I keep repeating the same word 3 times in the sentence and I don’t know how to phrase it in any other way to get around it, or making the sentence sound weird, and I keep having to relying on Google to type or using my iPhone mic speaker (it sometimes doesn’t work 50% of the time)in the search engine and type “spell [insert word here]” to recognise the words or know what it means, idk if some of that is because of autism or not.

Do you use any software application/apps to help with writing,

Also side note: when I’m trying to text to somebody on discord, I keep thinking the text I’m typing sounds rude, but I’m not trying to make it sound rude??, and then I just feel really high anxiety about it, is that normal???

Sorry for the long gibberish text lmao

Hi! This isn't rude or weird at all, don't worry! I also get really anxious sending asks or asking for advice, you're good.

I'm not the best person to ask, since I'm still very new to writing and I'm still figuring it out myself, but I'll try my best! Putting it under a readmore because it got long

I personally don't use any apps to help with writing. Google docs has some built in features, like autocorrect or suggestions about word choice/placement or grammar, but that's about it. I've heard Grammarly is good?

For spelling:

If autocorrect isn't working I simplify the word then look up synonyms for it. For example, if I'm struggling to spell "delighted, then I'll simplify that word to "happy", and then google "happy synonyms", and keep looking up and searching words until I get to it.

This is also very good if you're struggling to think of a word you need, or if you don't understand what a word means. Adding "synonym" to your search works wonders, for me at least.

Another option is beta readers! They read through your work and can help with things like spelling and grammar, etc. I get my sibling or mum to read through my shit all the time, and I'll go to friends for advice as well.

For actually writing:

I know exactly what you mean with the getting stuck on a sentence or word and not being able to get around it. I had been wanting to get back into writing for around a year and this always stopped me and made me give up, it's only recently, the past couple of months, that I've started to actually commit to writing and get around it. I still get caught up in it!!

A couple of things help me! The main one is sometimes you have to let yourself write Badly. I have multiple docs of when I first started to write again, and it's all bad, but making myself write it, without expecting to publish it, helped me figure out what works best for me. And more importantly, it helps you get back into the actual habit of writing, and gives you something you can go back and work on. It sucks, and it's hard, but sometimes you just got to write the world's worst sentence.

If that's not working, just bail. In all of my wips, I have half completed sentences where I was really struggling and couldn't get around it, so I just stopped and worked on something else, something easier, and then when I think I can try again, I come back to it.

Breaking to down into really simple sentences also helps, to have a foundation you can build on. Most of my fics start out like "Sonic and Tails have a talk about why Tails is upset. Tails is not making eye contact and is looking at the ground. He says that he didn't like it when Sonic ate his mints without asking. Sonic apologizes and says that he didn't know they were Tails' mints." Even dot points would work. Just the bare basics, and then now that I know what exactly is going to happen, I can go back and start actually Writing it.

One thing that helped me actually figure out how to write was reading other people's works, and noting what I really liked about their writing. What pacing choices, word choices, how they use actions and dialogue etc etc. Even doing things like "hmm I would've used a different word there or swapped the order of those actions" can help you figure out how you want to write.

I hope this helps? I'm not sure how much sense it makes sorry akgfdkjh

[slightlyslytherinthings]

Secret fears Part 2

Part 1 Part 3 (final)

Include: Sebastian Sallow, Ominis Gaunt, Leander Prewett, Y/N only mentioned

Trigger warning: violence

Sebastian made his way through the stares and the whispering crowd, to storm off the DADA classroom, as a clueless Ominis tried to catch up. "Sebastian what happened?" he asked, not getting any reply from him. Sebastian was directing to the undercroft as fast as possible, almost leaving Ominis behind. Like he tried to escape from him, the crowd, everyone and himself.

When Ominis finally could catch up, he could hear boxes crashing against the stone walls of the undercraft. "I don't understand, what had happened. Please, explain it to me. I heard awful cries from Y/N, is she alright?" Ominis begged his best friend to answer him. While more shattering sounds hit his ears.

Sebastian punched every box and barrel in his sight as he imagined punching himself. He knew since you allowed him to curse cruciatus on you to escape the scriptoriums death trap, it will always stick on him.

Even if he tried to push it away from his thoughts, the harm he caused you was real.

He tried to rationalize it, that it needed to be done, but in regard to perform it, you have to want to cause pain, remembering it gave him such a disgusting feeling torwards himself, which he couldn't shake off. That he truly wanted to cause pain to a true friend like you, just only for secound, made him feel sick.

Regrets hitting him, he should have been the one who gets cursed. He should have insisted you to curse him, thinking that you were capable of bearing that immense pain was foolish. Giving you that burden, it made him realize what a coward he was. That it still sits in you as a fear brought out the worst rage in him.

The third person perspektive, seeing himself cursing it at you again, while you flinched and curled up in pain with that expression of your face. It was practically his boggart.

Ominis trying to grab Sebastian got a hit in his face, by accident. Seeing that he just hurt another friend, Sebastian began to apologize "Ominis... I'm-", "You what hit me? Yeah I felt that." Ominis, covering his urge to punch him as well. "I don't know what... I'm lost and angry at myself, that I hurt her. I can't take it anymore. Punch me, please Ominis do it, I deserve it." he begged him. "I'm not going to punch you, even if you do really deserve one or two hits. But I want to know what happened, what was her boggart and why did she screamed? Did I really heard the cruciatus curse?", Ominis asked him serious, worrying about Y/N.

"It was me.", Sebastian admitted shamefully. "What exactly did you mean it was you?" Ominis insist to get a complete picture of the context. "Her boggart turned into me, ok Ominis. Into me cursing that damned curse on her again.", one tear rolled down his faced as he shouted the cruel truth. "She collapsed and they brought her to Hospital Wing.". Ominis was silent. His stare was empty, cold as if dementors were around.

"Please Ominis say something." Sebastian tried to find any emotion in Ominis' expression, disappointment, anger or even hatred. But there were none. "Ominis"

"What do you want me to say?", Ominis frowned. "Say that you were right, that I was stupid not listening to you. That I am the worst being, infact the worst fear of her.", Sebastian waiting for him to answer. "I'm tired of it, Sebastian. It doesn't matter if I repeat myself now, it's already to late. Maybe living with that realization gives you the hit you needed to become someone better." Ominis who was still caring for Sebastian but on the other hand already fed up at the same time. Couldn't stand him for the moment, he said enough, there was nothing anymore he could give him as an advice. So he decided to leave and ask Natty how Y/N is doing. "I will go now, Sebastian." He left a sorrowing Sebastian behind him as he went outside the undercroft.

After awhile deciding if he even should leave the undercroft, fearing that it already spread to every student at hogwarts, what happend in the DADA class. He didn't want anyone to stare at him like a monster, he felt like.

He wouldn't mind to just wait until he starves there to death, but atleast he wanted to know if you were alright, after that event. Leaving the undercroft quite late at the day, he was relieved that no one was around anymore. Even in the common room, must be bedtime already perhaps?

He wanted to ask Ominis if he visited you or heared of your being. But Ominis wasn't in his bed, wondering about his none presence he took off his rope and jacket and didn't bother to change his clothes. He just lied in his bed with thoughts. Does she even want to see me ever again? But why shouldn't she, we're on good ties, that I cursed her was a year ago. Also it was this time the boggart, which doesn't make it better, but it wasn't the real me. I mean she always understood me, in contrast to Ominis. I should try to talk to her, if I find the courage.

The next day for his surprise his best friend still wasn't in his bed. Was he so angry that he also doesn't want to be with me anymore?

Shaking it off, Sebastian went to the comon room to check if Ominis or maybe even Y/N were around, unfortunately no. It saddens him, no seeing either of you made him feel so lonely, trying to not get emotional he continues the day as a usual. Besides that Imelda instead of spreading the latest rumors to him, she wasn't approaching him, she looked at him for a moment, her sight shifted to an unwelcoming one, as she turned to some other Slytherin girls and continued talking to them.

As Sebastian walked outside heading to the slytherin boys bathroom he could hear someone approaching, hoping for Ominis he turned around only to see Leander. "Aren't you a bit far from your dorm, Prewett?" asked Sallow confused. "Believe me I am where I need to be, Sallow."

"Sure, and why exactly do you need to be here? Did they finally kick you off your own bathroom?", Sebastian smiled cocky, trying to hit an opportunity. "Why was her boggart you cursing her, Sallow? And don't dare lie to!", Leander commanded. Sebastian frowning, putting his arms across his chest, "Why do you care? Last time I checked she doesn't even know your name." - "That is not the matter, even tho she is my duel rival, and she surely does know my name Sallow. I want to know if it was something she only feared for or did it actually happend? Did you actually cursed her with an unforgivable?", Leander sounded angry with disbelief. "I don't owe you an answer or anything, Prewett."

"I warn you Sebastian." Leander grabed his shirt pulling him face to face, "if you really hurt her like that I'm going to-". "What?" Sebastian said calmly, knowing well he does dare him to escalate.

Sebastian remained silence. Leander was breathing loud and fast, snoffing air against Sebastian. "Look if you don't want to hold my penis while I'm pissing, let off of me and go" Sebastian spats. Leander just furious that he was so hideous in such a serious moment, pushed him over the edge of anger. You weren't his love interest of course not, it was far from it, but still it didn't meant he didn't respect you as competitive rival and classmate who he cared for. It hurted him too, seeing you like that. Remembering how you suffered and that this bastard just being so calm and funny about it, made his blood boil. He throw a wide ranged punch hitting his face and throwing him to ground.

"Did you do it, Sebastian?" Leander said shivering, adrenaline rised up in him. Sebastian spitting out blood, "I knew you hit like a lady but it felt like a little girl only touching my face. Come on, was that all you got, Prewett?" - "You bastard!", Leander continued to punch him, until he couldn't stand. He didn't went over the line, since he only wanted to hurt him as bad as Y/N got hurt, but he didn't want to hospitalize him. "Just stay away from her, Sallow.", Leander looked down, with dishonor and left.

Sebastian smiled, he really wanted to get hurt, he felt he didn't deserved better. He sat there for a while out of exhaustion. Thinking of Y/N.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw invalidation/being called a liar, people witnesses the abuse but telling a diff story and idk what I’m looking for really

How could my abuser have done things that caused me rage and grief and there were multiple witnesses but I’m so confused why they take my abusers side and tell me im both faking being the victim and making things up. How can I tell it I’m making things up? How can I tell if im abused or not? Victim or abuser? I think hard about this often and question maybe I genuinely am faking being the victim and im twisting events. Multiple witnesses I thought were seeing what I was seeing but they said they didn’t see the things I remember telling my abuser bout that I think they were doing at the time… and they even went as far as saying I was the abuser. I don’t know what to say or think. How can I tell if I’m making things up or manipulating myself into believing I’m the victim? How can I tell what behaviors are valid reactions to a person and what behaviors are abusive or instigating? With little memory to go off of idk if I just dreamt certain things as a kid and remembered it or idk what’s going on. Idk how to sort through everything.

I did find out though that certain witnesses were creating lies and I managed to actually find this out and see the curated lies/stories they made up to side with my abuser so that’s about 2 witnesses canceled and out. I won’t go through the whole details but that’s it. These two people are child abusers and definitely not trustworthy esp after being caught curating lies…

But the rest of the witnesses seem like normal people and haven’t proven themselves to be a liar or an honest person so I wouldn’t know why they took my abusers side. I’m saying abuser but idek if that’s who she is.

How can I actually tell?

It got to points where my abuser would do something she knew I hated and she knew was crossing a line I drew for myself bc I’d really make myself clear, and I’d say something cruel to her out of pure anger in the moment and every adult around me would go “HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CANT SAY CRUEL THINGS JUST STOP BULLYING, APOLOGIZE NOW” which made me feel like I was constantly given the responsibility of making all this stop but every time id try to stop the issues b/t me and her I seemed to only make things worse, I’d say something I’d regret and again, the cycle repeats of me having to apologize which I did, and then be responsible for this and stop what’s happening which I thought I tried but I had no control to stop it bc I can’t control my abusers actions but I can control mine, but I had a terrible time controlling mine which I apologized for every time but now I feel like I’m just using a victim complex…. I feel I tried to stop things but I feel it was so difficult part of the responsibility seemed out of my hands.

-🥩

Hi 🥩,

I'm so sorry about what you've been going through. While I don't fully know what happened, it sounds like your abuser purposefully gets a rise out of you, and then witnesses often miss the context and antagonize you solely off your reaction. This is known as reactive abuse. It's also possible that, for the people who seem to think that you were the abuser even if they witnessed it themselves, they may have normalized abuse in their own lives or perhaps they're abusers themselves, which could be why they fail to recognize the situation for what it truly is.

I don't think you necessarily have to apologize for your reactions because 1) you are reserved some grace because you're doing what you feel is necessary to survive in the moment even if it doesn't completely make sense and 2) your abuser is no less to blame, no matter what you do in response. But I also think that if you feel apology is appropriate then I think it's possible to balance taking accountability for your own behavior while simultaneously condemning your abuser's. Because when you get in the habit of apologizing for your reactions to the abuse, it can be easy for that to grow into enabling the abuse to continue as well (which is often the goal of people who deliberately take your reactions out of context).

When you're exposed to gaslighting, victim-blaming, DARVO, or antagonization, it can be easy to question yourself, your narrative, and whether or not you were the abuser. Determining whether or not you're making things up or whether behaviors are valid reactions to a person or abusive and instigating is generally on a case-by-case basis. But it's worth taking into consideration your open-mindedness, good faith, and willingness to improve, as well as the substance and productivity of the criticisms leveled against you. In other words, it sounds like you're open to learning from past behavior (even if you didn't actually do anything wrong), and it also sounds like those criticizing you are more so putting you down and silencing you rather than wanting you to grow or defend yourself.

If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist could help you navigate and process this situation and its complex dynamics, and guide you along your healing journey. I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[crowsongcaws]

(This has been sitting in my drafts for so long, but Cub's gender is whatever is most convenient and beneficial at any given time. Scar is just a guy that wants to be supportive, but being supportive costs diamonds. Cubfan in a dress forever please)

Scar was zipping through the air when he spotted a non-Grian figure standing just outside the Permit Office. Of course—with his endless curiosity—he had to go investigate, so he swooped down and landed with a force that would undoubtedly have his legs feeling like toothpicks for weeks to come. When some of the spots across his vision had scattered, he was able to see Cub in front of him with an unimpressed expression.

"Shouldn't you be using your wheelchair?" Cub questioned but in that tone. The tone that Scar was very familiar with. The "I sound like I'm asking you but really I know that you know that I already know the answer" tone.

Scar sheepishly glanced around, tapping his cane against the ground particularly hard as if to say look! I'm using some sort of support! When Cub remained silent, Scar figured it was his time to try to defend himself.

"Well, you see, it's really hard to use an elytra when you're in a wheelchair—"

"You're a vex.*"

"But it's so difficult dragging around a wheelchair in vex form!"

Cub slowly—very slowly—blinked at him.

Scar grinned and said, "You know, they say cats blink super slow to show that they trust you!"

Cub blinked again, this time faster.

"...I'll... think about it?" Scar offered. Cub rolled his eyes.

"With how hard you landed just then, I don't think you'll have an option." And then Cub turned to the side, looking down at a clipboard. However, what really caught Scar's attention was the swish of the dress that Cub was wearing.

Was Cub... trans? Had he not noticed the entire time?

"You're—" Scar, somehow, managed to cut himself off.

What kind of friend was he to only notice now after all this time that Cub wasn't cis? Or... maybe Cub was cis and just got tired of pants? Scar had those days, too, especially when just moving got especially painful.

...Did Cub have chronic pain?

"I'm...?" Cub repeated, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Looking absolutely perfect today!" Scar hurriedly said with a grin.

Cub did that half-smile he (she? they?? vex???) tended to do and replied, "Thanks. Picked this out myself. I've been dressing myself for decades—what a game-changer."

Scar laughed, still trying to pick apart if this was something new or something old or what. He'd always referred to Cub with "he" before, and he figured Cub would've told him if that wasn't right, but what if he already had told him and he'd forgotten? What if Cub was plotting revenge against him already? This would be exactly like the time when Cub had been sick, and Scar had gotten him tomato soup to feel better even though Cub hated tomato soup, but Cub had been too sick to realize what it was until he'd had a spoonful. Scar hadn't been able to get all of the glitter paint out of his house for weeks.

With a growing sense of nervousness, Scar hesitantly said, "Whatever you pick out, you always manage to look so... beautiful?"

Cub just smiled at him with a different kind of look—Scar thought he knew all of them, but apparently not.

"Really?" Cub asked.

"Yeah!" he paused, "I mean, unless you... don't... like that...?"

At that, Cub tilted his head with that same odd glint in his eyes.

"Why wouldn't I?"

Shit.

"Very true, my fellow Hermit!" Scar laughed, loud and definitely not nervous. "But! Let's say in a hypothetical situation, Grian was plotting to overthrow your Permit Office reign. Would he say 'Wow, Cub is a super genius. He is going to be very difficult to overthrow' or...?"

Cub hummed thoughtfully, twirling the pencil between his fingers, and replied, "I think it would be better if Grian said 'Wow, Cub is a super genius. I think I'll give up and also pay the attempted-rebellion fee of 50 diamonds as an apology.'"

Shit. None of his ingenious plans were working. And even worse! He'd only just realized he'd been he/him-ing Cub in his head! This was the end of their friendship for sure, and it would be all his fault!

"Since you're here," Cub interrupted his overactive thoughts, "can you read this new form I made? It's just an easier way to keep track of information for each Hermit."

Scar dejectedly nodded and grabbed the clipboard from Cub's hands. Skimming over the text, hope flickered back into his heart because not only did it ask for gender, the form also had a section for preferred pronouns! There were no boxes to check, just an empty space to write down what was needed.

"This looks great!" Scar excitedly said. "But, just to make it easier on me, could you fill it in? Just so I have a good example!"

"If you need it, sure," Cub agreed, taking the clipboard back. It took a little less than a minute, but before he knew it, Scar's life was about to get that much easier. He would never have to admit his fumble today, and Cub would be so proud to know that Scar would always be there and be extra supportive, and—

Gender: Look at pronouns.

Scar did.

Preferred Pronouns: You owe me 10 diamonds, Scar.

SHIT.

"...if I pay you 10 diamonds, will you at least tell me?" Scar hesitantly asked with that same, sheepish smile.

"I don't answer questions for free."

Scar pouted then begrudgingly dug out his shulker box, forking over the payment, which Cub quickly pocketed as if Scar would change his mind any second. The moment the diamonds were out of sight, Cub answered.

"No."

"Wha—huh?"

Cub could barely hold back from smirking.

"You asked me if I'd tell you my pronouns if you paid me 10 diamonds, and the answer is no."

"But—"

"—and you're getting a free explanation all for the price of 10 diamonds. What a discount."

"Cub, please—"

"Looks like my scheduled team bonding exercise time is over, too, so I'll have to put you on hold now. My lunch break is starting."

"The sun is setting—!"

"See you later, Scar."

And, despite Scar's legs screaming in agony, he still dropped to his knees to dramatically screech NOOOOO at the sky.

As he would later find out after pestering any and every Hermit that would listen, Cub did not and had never cared about pronouns. (Cleo had pointedly said, "Wearing a dress doesn't make you trans or change your pronouns. Scar, you've worn a dress." To which Scar cried out, "But I am trans! Wearing a dress changed my pronouns! Just not that way!") Scar was devastated at the loss of ten diamonds when there hadn't even been a wrong answer, but in the end, this outcome was far better than glitter paint.

*I have a headcanon that vexes are near-weightless and don't necessarily need wings to fly, they just use wings to push them around. So Scar, in vex form, could still fly. Also, Scar has a specialized flying machine that functions as a wheelchair, too, but he still prefers not using it because Doc partially helped with constructing it, and he's afraid to find out if Doc added anything life-threatening (to him or others).

Cub has no gender, but if he has to put one down, it's skulk. Scar is trans but frequently forgets about that since he's so comfortable with how he presents now, and no one points it out. Cleo's gender is "Overworked and Underpaid".

can you draw cubfan in a dress I think that would fix me

me too